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A Message from the Leader of the Front Negating Oppresive Rumours and Disinformation (FNORD)

The tyrants that maintain Wikipedia as a non-democratic and anti-free-speech website have deleted your last hopes of being remembered after you die. Should you hurry up and commit suicide already? Nay! For where there is hope, there is a way. Follow these guidelines, and it is 23% GUARANTEED that someone will care that you slit your wrists next week, or at least until they find the body.

Step 1:Prepare your article. Make sure to include what is so great about you, possibly a photograph, and maybe your website or blog if you have one. Quotes are also good. Try it, you never know. Hey, it worked for Bob Saget.

Step 2: If you got deleted on grounds of "patent nonsense" Wikipedia obviously doesn't recognise you as enough of a threat to call "vanity". THIS MEANS WAR!

A secret weapon was constructed years ago in Bill Gates' basement. It is often believed to be the reason for Microsoft's inexplicable success. The following instructions will allow you to utilize this fearsome technology.

1. Copy and paste the text into Microsoft Word.
2. Press F7.
3. Click "change" repeatedly until the box goes away.
4. Return with a vengence.
5. There is no step five.
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