United Water International
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United Water International (often known simply as United Water) is a water utility based in South Australia. Its primary business function is to make water and sell it to the good people of South Australia, who have none.
Parent Companies[edit | edit source]
The company is primarily owned by Veolia, an immense giant from the mythical land of French. Veolia also operates under his own name, Veolia Environnement, and is the world's largest manufacturer of 'n's.
A remaining, small fraction of the company is owned by United States Vice President Dick Cheney.
Water Manufacturing[edit | edit source]
According to their on-hold tape, United Water "manufactures its water by covalently fusing a matched pair of Hydrogen atoms with a single, hand-picked Oxygen atom." Little else is known about this process, except that it is performed at their Adelaide head office, in a room known as "the Fusion Room". According to recent PR releases, the Fusion Room is yellow.
United Water announced, in 2005, that, due to recent research and development projects, their water was "now 18% wetter".
A recent addition to United Water's Adelaide head office is a new door, commonly known as "The Door". Fitted with a magical, electronic swipe card security system, The Door separates the Engineering employees (Design & Capital Works) from the Less-Engineering employees (R&D, Finance and IT) and those employees about which very little is known (Assets). As a side effect, this segregation has resulted in the complete eradication of Smallpox. This, along with the newly purpled lunch room ("The Murrundi Room") has boosted spirits immensely.
Treatment Facilities[edit | edit source]
United Water are known to operate ten treatment facilities in Adelaide, which, according to a 2003 media statement, is "more than nine, but not quite a dozen". The treatment facilities are large and grey, and are operated by people. The people wear clothes.
United Water are known to be implementing these same principles at their other plants in Victoria and New Zealand.
Pipe Network[edit | edit source]
The Adelaide pipe network consists of big pipes and little pipes. Big pipes are thawed out and revived in celestial pipe foundries operated by licensed United Water contractors. Little pipes are made when a Mummy big pipe and a Daddy big pipe are joined in lawful union and engage in various, consensual acts. The company has previously stated that these acts are neither condoned nor encouraged by management.