Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/black metal (re-submission)
black metal [edit source]
The concept is more thought out this time. Basically presenting black metal as totally over the top and evil (which it is) and also making fun of the many contradictions in the genre. I also got rid of a LOT of stupid stuff. You should probably know something about black metal before reviewing. Mattfca 22:07, 21 October 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Okay, this is my first review in a long long time so if you have any issues please feel free to contact me on my talk page. Right.
The whole article makes some very good points about the genre, but as a whole it feels far too dedicated to attacking black metal and its fans as opposed to actually being funny. There are some extremely funny sections, though, so what I'm gonna do is take the classic Cajek method of rating each section by itself, in order. Intro : [2] This section is of course the one that establishes how the rest of the article's gonna go. On reading this, I felt like I didn't want to read any further. It's not that I'm a big fan of Black Metal, but it's just far, far too vitriolic to actually be funny in any way. The "black african metal" thing was a bit too predictable and it just spends the whole time telling the reader how pathetic it and its fans is rather than trying to be funny. Origins : [8] Now this is what I'm talking about. It's funny. It doesn't straight-out attack the genre, it instead plays ironically with it. The only problem is that it's very unwelcomingly long, so could probably do with a bit of a haircut. I mean, the rest of the article is a mission in itself, after all! But keep all of the first paragraph, "uncreations". Subgenres : [6.5] Wow, that's strange... the viking section is completely bizarre, I didn't expect that. I like it, but it rambles a bit and could probably cut a little bit of the bustle in its hedgerow. The NSBM section speaks the obvious a bit too much and probably needs a complete change. Try to do what you've done before and ironically play around with their beliefs, and don't make it a list :P. Unblack metal is a funny idea, and it works. It's a funny meeting point between black metal and christianity, are there actually bands that do that? Black Metal of Today : [1.5] Oh dear. You've just gone back to insulting again. It's true and all, but painful, vitriolic pseudo-truths are for ED, aren't they? You certainly show you know your stuff but it's not funny at all. How to Tell... : [8] I liked this section. It's always hard to tell the difference and you've hit the nail on the head by making both look totally ridiculous. How to Make... : [4] Oh god, it's huge! I think it should probably be made into a separate article, HowTo:Form a Black Metal Band; then link it on the original article. But yeah. It's, again, wayy too unsubtle, and although it makes some good points, it attacks too much to be funny. Cut it down a tad. The "liner notes" part is funny, but then it goes all the way back to attacking again. What this article needs is subtlety. How to Act Grim : [Delete] Youtube videos have no place in Uncyclopedia articles, sorry. It's ugly and unnecessary, plus on many computers they don't load youtube videos without it being on youtube itself. Delete it. Can I Play...? : [7] Starts off funny, but you should cut off "If not, just make some mediocre norsecore and leave the real black metal to those who are already completely pathetic." and leave that part as it is. Next part again is far too vitriolic but makes some good points, so try to tone down the anger a bit and it would probably seem funny. Get rid of parts like "sounding like shit is the whole point" and "like an idiot" and it would probably seem funny. The ending, Kriegsphilosophie, is very nice and is in keeping with the second section. |
| Concept: | 6 | Some great ideas, like I said, but it's far too dedicated to attacking than being funny. Try changing the angry sections so that they too sound like they're coming from a very bad black metaller and it'd come across great. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | It's extremely long but overall it looks nice. Just cut out the youtube video like I said, and trim the article down and it would be very pretty and welcoming. |
| Images: | 8 | The pictures for the article were ideal and the captions lovely. Leave them as they are, even the invisible sandwich meme one, they're all needed and good. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | Averaged: {{Pee|5|6|7|8}}. Haha, I just noticed the scores were 5, 6, 7, 8! |
| Final Score: | 32.5 | Well I've made my point. If you made the whole article seem like it was written from the perspective of a terrible, crazy black metaller it would be funny, but right now it's too focused on anger. Fix it and the article would probably be really great; 5, 6, 7, 8! Hope I've helped :) |
| Reviewer: | — talk 10:04, 20 November 2008 (UTC)
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