Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Yngwie Clones

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Yngwie Clones

Metalguitar666 23:19, August 25, 2010 (UTC)

This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.

I'll take a shot at this. -- 08:41, August 26, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	3	Hey there. Before I start, you may notice that the scores here will be a bit harsh. Do not concentrate on the scores. It's the comments that count here, and if you concentrate on them, we can really crank out a good article here. In this part, I will go through each section and give you some comments to improve them. Each header gets a dot point. Here we go... Introduction: This is actually ok, nothing big to improve here. It is hurt by some major points that I will go into in the Formatting section, but otherwise it is adequate. However, you may like to briefly mention who Yngwie is for people who don't want to go and look him up on Wikipedia. People who are Yngwie Clones: You've got the structure of a good idea, but is executed badly, and not written that well. You need to slow this down and explain a bit clearer - always read what you have written to see how it flows. George Lopez: This section has nothing at all to do with Yngwie clones. Period. Or maybe you just haven't explained everything well enough... Either way, this little section needs lots of work. Did he disguise himself as Yngwie to get across the border? You've got to define what you're trying to say to really say it. George Bush: Reads like you've written it in the space of five seconds. Maybe you had, but you don't want it to read like that. First of all, slow it down. So why exactly did he need to impersonate Yngwie? You've got to explain in a way that the reader can understand. Barack Huessein Osama Obama: Err.. what? This is, once again, confusing. You need to go more into the subject, and think about the stuff I have mentioned above. Conclusion: This is ok, but can be written much better. I think the part where you are yelling has to be cut down a bit for you to milk out some laughs here. It's a bit too long. Also, the huge writing at the bottom isn't really funny and is basically just a filler - something to make your article look longer. I recommend you delete this. So, you're article needs work. Above, I have briefly mentioned some key issues that will REALLY help your article out. Below, I will address them fully.
Concept:	4	This is a very strange concept, and you haven't used it to it's potential. Basically all you've done is list three people who are Yngwie clones. Can you say more? What type of life do these people lead? You can definitely go into this subject. Brainstorm, and generally just try to milk everything out this subject. Beef up your ideas and turn them into paragraphs. That's easier said then done, but a longer article is always better than a stub.
Prose and formatting:	2	This is your article's biggest weakness, and hurts it really badly. If you fix this part up your article's humor will improve a hundredfold. Here are the main points. First of all, your style of prose. Your writing reads a bit rushed, and you only half explain things, leaving the reader confused. This is quite common through many articles I read and review, and it hurts them all. Out of all the problems here this is your biggest. You need to slow down your writing, try to explain things fully. Always read the article to yourself once you are done to make sure it flows. With this out of the way, your article will be much better. Your spelling and grammar needs work. I recommend copying your article onto a Microsoft Word document and doing a spellcheck, or putting the {{Proof read}} tag on your article. Your article doesn't look very nice. This is bad, but can be fixed much easier then other problems. Here are my main points that should help out with this: Don't leave two spaces between paragraphs. The huge writing looks bad, although have already said it should go. Your images need to be changed to thumbnails. If you expand your article a bit, and make it longer, you can spread your images out. This will look better, as they are quite cramped at the moment. And that's basically all for this section. But those three points, however common they are in articles, need improvement. If you do that your article will be much better.
Images:	4	This is also a weakness in your article. All you images are the same picture, except with different faces pasted on. Now, this is ok, but there are a few things that need to be changed. The Bin Laden one is out of place. Instead of just putting a beard and turban on Yngwie, do the same thing you did with the others. And speaking of that face pasting stuff, it doesn't look very good. I highly recommend you visit image request, where there are a handful of great photoshoppers who will be more than happy to re-do those pictures of yours, and make them highly realistic.
Miscellaneous:	3.25	Averaged your scores.
Final Score:	16.25	In conclusion, your article needs help. You need to address the problems in the formatting section - your rushed prose, spelling and general formatting stuff. These are the things that have put down the quality of your article and if you attend to them then that quality will go up. I hope I have helped here!
Reviewer:	-- 09:39, August 26, 2010 (UTC)