Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Wild Bill Hickok
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Wild Bill Hickok[edit source]
just finished a pretty large-scale rewrite on this one. i'd like a moderately in-depth review, but i realize this is quite a long article (might be the longest i've ever written personally, in fact). 18:49, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | Well, i'm not quite sure what to make of this. You've got an interesting concept and a few funny lines, but I didn't really find this quite funny. I think this is an article that could be worthwile, but you need to make sure you get the jokes. For this, I think a change in tone/execution might be your best solution, which i'll get into below. |
| Concept: | 7.5 | I'm all for an article about a cowboy, but you need to make sure you get the right tone. A lot of what's in the article right now mirrors the Wikipedia entry, so you need to make it a bit more like a parody. If you wanted, you could write the article with a western accent, like "Wild Bill Hickok is the fastest gun in the west" or something along the lines of that. You could also talk about his legacy, different ways he impacted the west, and what other people he may have encountered. This has a lot of potential, but you can't sell the article on the concept alone; you need to work on it so that it has more than the occasional pun. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Your prose is good- like I said above, it could be changed, but for the most part you don't make any spelling errors. The main thing I want to address here is the repetition of text. I don't think you have enough images in your article, so the text gets a bit redundant and tedious to read. Try splitting certain sections into smaller ones, and maybe get a few more images to put in there (see below). |
| Images: | 8 | That 'chop of Sonje's never get old, and your other images are pretty good too. But, like I said above, you'll need a few more of them. Off the top of my head, a few ideas I can think of are a picture of a ghost town, maybe an old picture of him, or a shot of a town in the 1800s. There are a lot of ways you could go image-wise, and you need quite a few to relieve your text. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 35.5 | Basically, you've got a flexible concept that might be made into a feature it you write it right. You've got all the necessary info about this guy, but apart from the occasional pun and humorous image, it's not that funny. Like I said above, you might want to change your style and prose if you really want to change your direction, or you could add a few more jokes and punchlines related to your text as it is. Keep working on this- it's alright right now, but it could be a lot better if you work on it some more.
Bottom Line: Good concept, but not very humorous; work on it some more. Good luck! =) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 04:34, 30 June 2009 (UTC) | |