Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Vietnamese dong
Vietnamese dong[edit source]
So I'm someone who likes puns and flirting. So it may have been some miracle that an article on this subject written in a risqué fashion has not been done before. I'm looking for opinions and if any tips can be offered. I am worried that readers will find the article too crude and dry for it's own taste.
The banknote (at the top of the article) and the coin/condom images were made by Sonje (she also did the coin's caption), who was very, very helpful here. The other three images and captions were done by myself. --
-kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 15:45, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
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Projectmayhem666-has stamped this article for review. |
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Why not... --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 12:00, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 9 | I decided to read this through before I began a complete analysis of the article, its very amusing and well written, I'll give this review a shot but it is very good, I am just trying to pick fault with things here because it is just that good.
The introduction flows very well and is very humourous, there is little to begrudge as the similie is kept to quite neatly and is never too obvious. The history section, same as the first, works very well, although I don't think there are enough phallic references in the second paragraph to contend with the rest of the article. In the third paragraph, is there anyway Veitnamese business networks can be re-worded as a metaphor for face or something? Would fit pretty well. Coins is my favourite section in this article, the only thing I have to say is where you say it will become further diseased, there was no previous mention of disease at all so I'm left wondering, further diseased than what? I think the vending machine metaphor is a nice one to use, great stuff. Banknotes section, the only thing I have to say (since the Americans will complain) is that only us Brits know there is no such thing as a £100 note, although the way inflation is going. This section is very well written and I honestly can't find any more complaints. Dong Exchange Rates section the only thing I can see here to maybe change is the fake dongs, I would have thought the fake ones would have a reference to plastic or rubber to be fake, as opposed to being a little bit bigger, funny either way thought. Monetary terms in VietnamThis section seems stubby, it could do with expanding, other than that all good. The article as a whole very good, amazing, awesome, WOO!! |
| Concept: | 10 | Concept is very good and original (I believe) the implementation is also very well done, thus I give you the highest score possible in a review. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | In the introduction, the sentence that starts "The dong was erected" I believe the sentence uses too many commas to extend it, this makes a very long sentence that I think should be split into two. Also using language to emphasise some of the points more by using full stops instead of commas to add breaks and allow the reader to "pause for thought" about what they have just read would perhaps work as well.
In the history section instead of groin-height pockets, would it not be groin high (just have a feeling about this one). There should be a comma after monetry value in the third paragraph. The sentence that starts "One words that has come to terrorise..." Which shouldnt have a comma after it should it? Flow, formatting, prose and grammar all top notch, well written. |
| Images: | 7 | The first picture is edited quite well, I like how it has been changed from the original and the caption works with it too.
The second picture I would edit it to make it look more phallic personally, looking more like a dong would fit more into the article. The third picture is very swish, funny, subtle and well edited. Works very well. The forth picture doesn't look like it has been edited like the others, although with the caption it works, I WANT MORE DONGS ON IT!!! :p The last picture, the caption doesn't amuse me really, just doesn't fit, could probably just be removed and having the previous one placed lower down. |
| Miscellaneous: | 9 | Good original article, good content and idea's, Averaged by modal in head models. |
| Final Score: | 44 | I like the article, its very good, hope the review did it justice. |
| Reviewer: | --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 22:37, 5 March 2009 (UTC) | |