Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Skinfan13/Upsilon Sigma Sigma/Collaboration/March2010collab
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User:Skinfan13/Upsilon Sigma Sigma/Collaboration/March2010collab[edit source]
Okay, so this is the very first collaborative effort of Upsilon Sigma Sigma, and the title doesn't give you ANY idea for what the article is, but it's Nintendo. There is a current version already in place (it was a requested article), but please review the version linked at the top of this page, that's our collaboration version. Muchas Gracias! -- 03:35 EST 23 Mar, 2010
- PS an experienced reviewer please, preferably BF11 or HH --sf13 03:36
- Just so people don't think I'm jumping in without being asked, see here. I'll play this game and show my score within 24 hours. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 07:12, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: | 7 | Again, a mixed score--the best humour I thought was very good. |
Concept: | 7 | This would be higher, but I'm not sure if the concept is clear. The article is primarily an encyclopedic, realistic-sounding, tongue-in-cheek treatment of Nintendo, which I like. But it wanders a bit here and there, and gets off track in the end. Suggestions are below. |
Prose and formatting: | 7 | This is actually a mixed score--8 or 9 for the good parts; 6 or 5 or even less for some of the rest, which I will explain in more detail below. (This is often the result of a collaboration, where someone has to come along at the end and make sure all the parts fit together and sound as if they were written by one person).
Your intro
History
Modern Games and Consoles
The future of Nintendo
References
Overall--if I ignore certain sections--I think the prose is good, but needs some work here and there. With some work, it could be very good. |
Images: | 8 | Love the Nintendo on the panties image and caption. Also I like her butt. Did I say I like her butt? Official seal is fine; no caption needed. Dalek? I love Doctor Who, and I found the caption funny. But I'm really not sure how this relates to Mario--maybe you could explain that (briefly) in the article--something about how originally Mario's movements looked robotic or something. Love tester image is fine, caption is OK but I'd cut the exclamation mark--again, doesn't fit the encyclopedic tone. Also some people here don't like text between two images--doesn't bother me as magazines do that all the time. Game cube--image seems rather large, and also doesn't seem to go with text about "paddles for four players." "Nintendo's new interactive Playschool Nuclear First-Strike (Let's see how you like the dusty relative wind-dance, round-eyes). For honorable ages 4-10"--like the title, dislike the part in parenthesis and the honorable part--again, doesn't fit the tone of the article. Masked Nintendo chairman (yes, I know who that is)--mixed feelings. I rather like it, but don't know that it fits the article. Oh, and did I say I liked the girl's butt? |
Miscellaneous: | 7.25 | Average of above. |
Final Score: | 36.25 | Overall I think this is a good article--but I would recommend cutting some parts such as the "Japs talk funny," the non-encyclopedic comments (or at least put them in quotes), and I'd definitely trim off or redo the end parts. Quite honestly, with those remaining, my score would be much lower--with them gone, it would be significantly higher. Good luck with future edits! |
Reviewer: | King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:27, March 25, 2010 (UTC) |