Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Siddhartha-Wolf/Rossini

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User:Siddhartha-Wolf/Rossini

OK, apologies for the inactivity, this is a page I was working on a long time ago. I really like it so far, but perhaps I'm trying to wind too many jokes into one. Basically I'm trying to combine a satire of the composer with a satire of an over-sentimental "connoisseur" with a satire of Rossini's usage in popular culture (and hence the only way a lot of people are familiar with him). I will finish it someday, but while it's still in its infancy, does anyone have any suggestions? Am I doing too much (or too little)? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 20:27, October 30, 2009 (UTC)

Also, the intro is meant to be long because I want to somehow tie it in with the style of Rossini operas where the overture has a slow intro and just sets the tone for the whole opera....

Shit, can someone redirect the link to this please? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 20:28, October 30, 2009 (UTC)

I just changed the link. Good to see you around again. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:38, October 30, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Chief, good to be back, btw it's not vitally important I have this reviewed, so if the Pee Review list is unmanageable at the moment, I'd happily take this one off --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 11:02, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

It's next on my list. So I'll do it tonight if I have time. --ChiefjusticeDS 11:20, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

I have time now. Let's do this thing!! --ChiefjusticeDS 15:55, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	4	OK, from what I can see the humour isn't too bad, your approach to the father and son's relationship is reasonable, but could be improved. I will focus on that relationship to start with. I think it needs mopre in the way of context, as I read your article I felt increasingly sure that I was missing out on a joke, who are these people? What is going on? Some context would do you wonders. If you take a look at this article you can see how they manage their context in a way that allows them to start midway through a conversation but still let's us grasp who they are and what is going on. Besides that I think there isn't enough to laugh at in the opening, there is the obvious contrast between the father and son, which is relatively amusing, but besides that it leaves something to be desired. I think that the main problem with the article goes along similar lines to this, there isn't enough to laugh at. It may be the case that I'm demonstrating just how little culture I have, but I thought the article left a lot to be desired, the jokes were there but they didn't have the impact that they you may have been intending. Considering I listen to classical music a fair amount and these jokes aren't having a massive impact on me does not bode well for people who are completely unfamiliar with the concept. What I would recommend is, rather than throwing out what is there already, expand it, add in a reaction to the piece that is supposed to be playing and try overplaying the difference in views between the boy and the father. Again, I would recommend that you take a look at articles like the one mentioned above to see the best way to do that. By doing this you would provide a greater capacity for the jokes to have an impact on the reader because at the moment they feel slightly unfinished. The main problem with the joke in the second half of the article is that it doesn't work if the person is a complete newcomer to Rossini. I would also recommend that you reconsider how you explain what is going on because even after deciding for myself I am unsure. So it would be better if you could signpost a little, don't explain everything, just explain the parts that the average uncyclopedian would not understand or get. Don't interpret this the wrong way, I see what you are getting at with this, you just need to work at it a bit more.
Concept:	8	Your concept is good and the idea isn't bad, have you taken a look at what this article did with the whole images to imagined sound idea? I would recommend you do if you haven't yet had the chance. The tone isn't too bad and the father and son are pretty consistent. The only difficulty is related to the problems I referred to above and that is that we don't really know the characters, you seem to be establishing the father's character as being the old and out of touch character and the boy as the representative of the youth who knows nothing about what he is saying. Exaggerate this, you can glean an awful lot of humour from doing this as articles like this one demonstrate, the innocence and lack of knowledge provided by youth, when compared to the already set opinion of an older person provides huge opportunities for comedy and I would encourage you to take advantage of that.
Prose and formatting:	8	Your prose are fine, and all you would need to do is proofread cover any addittions to the article. Your formatting is OK but the main problem is that the four pictures are all crushed into a relatively small space, remember that you aren't limited as far as space goes. The only other point I have is that the top picture is pretty big and you may want to consider making it a bit smaller, otherwise there are no problems here.
Images:	6	There is no problem with the images themselves, the problem is that their appearance is very sudden and not altogether very well explained, you need to make sure that you signpost carefully to make sure people don't miss your jokes. Ultimately you don't need to change the images very much, you just need to explain their presence.
Miscellaneous:	6	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	32	I get the enduring sense from your article that I am missing something really important, you need to make sure that someone can at least get some of the jokes in your article, from the position of being relatively unfamiliar with the subject matter. There are enjoyable parts of the article, it just needs some more work to fulfil it's potential. If you have any questions or comments feel free to leave them on my talk page. Good luck making any changes.
Reviewer:	--ChiefjusticeDS 16:51, November 5, 2009 (UTC)