Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Hyperbole/Fermented pizza

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User:Hyperbole/Fermented pizza

Yes, yes, it features Steve Ballmer. Yes, I'll go flagellate myself. But at least it has a reason. Whatcha think? --Hyperbole 01:08, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

User:Hyperbole/Fermented pizza is being reviewed by CajekHi! Your Source for Fine Scented Pee And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him

This writer has caught my attention   Le Cejak • <2:08, 05 Jun 2008>

Humour:	7.2	section by section analysisisis intro -6- crisp and crackly intro. Sadly, it seems a little too weird. Oh well, it's still okay. You introduce your bizarre topic rapidly and without beating around the bush. Basically you're saying to us: "microsoft joke approaching". The picture confuses me, however... what does a car have to do with anything? Recipe -8- I like it, great section if a little on the short side. Market strategy -7- For someone who HATES microsoft, this was a fun little section, but it was more of a skit of observational humor than about fermented pizza, which is what I wanted to hear about. When you quote someone, italicize the entire quote: it makes it stand out as separate from the rest of the article. Setbacks -7- It's not bad, but it's still a microsoft-joke. This is what's going to make your article less available to the public. It's hard to realize this, but eventually people will find this, and if they're expecting a pizza article and it's on microsoft, it may turn them off. It's not bad, it's just going to slow this article's chances of VFH (if that's even what you had in mind). Also, I noticed you like using lists, either in bullet form or separated by commas: that's getting slightly annoying to me, and I guess I would suggest cutting out the list at the beginning of this section that lists the side effects. Critical Views -8- The apple take on it was pretty good.
Concept:	7	Overall, I would say that this article is disguised at first like a pizza article, but becomes a comment on Microsoft which is a strange direction for it to take. Unexpected is good, but this is almost a non sequitir. It's a clever article, but I'm looking at it from an unbiased point of view, of someone who doesn't give a rat's ass about microsoft.
Prose and formatting:	8	got some lists in there, but otherwise okay.
Images:	6.5	The first image with the car is badly placed -5-. The second one had a great caption -8-.
Miscellaneous:	7.2	avg'd via {{Pee}}
Final Score:	35.9	On final examination, your intro is the part that made me roll my eyes, but having a bad intro has never ever ever been used to vote against an article that I've seen. It is a clever article commenting on Microsoft, but its audience is smaller than average. Audience size is one of the most important things to consider when mapping out a concept, in fact it could be the most important thing in terms of becoming a well-known writer in Uncyc. I hope I helped, Hyperbole: I'm glad you came back after NotM. Call me if you have questions
Reviewer:	Le Cejak • <2:35, 05 Jun 2008>