Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Heck no techno/Jordin Sparks
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User:Heck no techno/Jordin Sparks[edit source]
Please help me assess it before I put it on the REAL...article...thingy...you know what I mean. 
Heck no techno | chitchat | stuff.. 
| Humour: | 8 | Pretty much great all the way, but there are some improvements yew need to make. Some of the humour is just a bit too much, like the Victoria Beckham joke, I think that should be gotten rid of and for the joke to end there. The Cleetus thing kinda spoilt the negative decimal score joke, not providing any humour but instead just repeating the joke. I reckon the bowling alley should just be a bowling alley with no name, or failing that some really, really generic name (maybe even something that plays on the genericness of American Idol). The last paragraph, however, is where things kinda fuck up. The lyric idea is funny and it rhymes well, but it's wayyy too blatant and explicit to really work towards the humour. The "gay" thing was already pushing the envelope but at least that kept the sticky stuff that holds together the envelope in place. I'd start that again with a different song name, I hope yew can understand why. The Ryan Seacrest thing, which is the only American Idol I know, was a l'il too much too, and ended the article too abruptly. It seems a bit too convenient that Mr. Seacrest would fap solely to the mention of the word "assholes". Maybe yew could infantilise him a little if yew are to mention him, and if it still has to be "assholes" then make him say something like "butt" or a different childish word, I think that'd work. Oh, and make the "Blake Lewis" and "Music" paragraphs just a little longer. And a last point on the article's text: I think it would be good if yew finish the article mentioning what she's got ahead of her in her future. And try to be imaginative, go hog-wild, this girl could do pretty much anything! =P |
| Concept: | 7.5 | I didn't know who she was until I read this article, but it felt like I knew her once I'd finished the article. The concept for the article basically is to tell the "story" of an american idol person thingy (what are they called? Entrants? Competitors? Something like that), which is why it hasn't got a higher score really :P But then again, there's little that can be done to improve the concept of articles such as these. I guess the score's based almost purely on originality. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8.5 | The article's told 100% exactly as it should be. So, that's the grammar and prose covered in one sentence...
The formatting now needs sorting out, is all. It's partially to do with the images (see below) but mostly needs just a little bit of tweaking about to form a proper structure to the article. It's a l'il pedantic but hey, it makes the reader feel more comfortable. And it would then look like a proper article, not one of those articles put together that are pretty damn good but that don't go all-out for the win =P That's why yew should go all-out for the win. |
| Images: | 8.5 | Absolutely perfect pictures. Seriously. And laugh-out-loud funny with the captions. All they need to do now is fit in with the article as a whole, right now they feel a little prosthetic, attaching themselves like plastic limbs to random places on the article. They need a little sizing up and then placing to give the article a set structure to it. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8.1 | Averaged with template:Pee, but yew knew that when yew saw the score :P |
| Final Score: | 40.6 | As a personal opinion this could, with adjustments be VFH quality. Not sure how people would react to it as it's quite offensive, but hey, I think it's great nonetheless. Just heed my words! =P |
| Reviewer: | ~Fag x FS | |