Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:HauntedUndies/Great Australian tourist destinations

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User:HauntedUndies/Great Australian tourist destinations

I understand and I wish to continue. . 04:44, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

This is a long one. Aside from that obvious statement, I'll try and get it done by today, if not, tomorrow at most. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   10:16, January 5, 2012 (UTC)

Humour:	8.5	Overall, I think you article contains plenty of jokes and good humour. The only negative aspect I can think of is it looks a tad long, which can deter some readers since most of them have attention spans of squirrels. However, reading it I think you did a very good job with the flow and connecting paragraphs that it seems more detrimental to delete any major sentences or try to make it shorter. Once you get into reading the article, it keeps you there, but if you want to make any changes, I can't stop you. I do think that suggestion I give you in the format section might help out a bit though. Now onto some minor issues with humour. The first issue is this sentence in the visa section, "quite easy provided you possess a clean criminal record." Seeing as how Australia is a former penal colony and known for its criminal history, I think you missed out on a perfect joke to jab at Australian stereotype. Even saying "quite easy provided you possess a cleancriminal record," would be suitable enough, but I'll let you take care of it since there's more potential in the joke. Second, I didn't quite understand this line, "Care must also be taken to ensure that when packing, towels are placed inside a suitcase and not situated on top of one’s head as this may lead to a refusal of entry." Is this a hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy reference? Or is it some Australian reference I'm not aware of? In any case, I don't think it's that necessary and could be gotten rid of, unless you know something about it that I don't. Third, "and in the unlikely case of the boat capsizing, anti-whale harpoons are available from the on-board gift shop." Seeing as how this is a cheap boat from Sri Lanka, you could easily make a mis-direction joke here by just changing unlikely to likely. Just a suggestion. Also, side note, but I think you might be able to expand on the visa section a bit. Maybe add something like, "You should be warned that the written visa form as been substituted with an oral examination administered by an Australian officer. The test consists of the visitor being able to recite all of his necessary personal information after ingesting 6 glasses of XXXX and Victoria Bitter, as well being able to re-perform "A Land Down Under" flawlessly. Failure to recite the song perfectly or to hit every note in case you wish to play an instrument instead of sing will result in a swift punch from the singer of Midnight Oil and deportation from Australia." As an added bonus, you could throw in a picture of the Midnight Oil guy in here, cause his pictures are funny, in this context at least. That's really I can think of saying here. Good work with everything else.
Concept:	9	Unique concept, although slightly surprised it hasn't been before, or has it? I'm too lazy to check. Anyways, very good concept and extra points added since you executed it so well. Yea, that's about it, never really know what to say for this section....Onwards!
Prose and formatting:	8.5	It's always nice to read an article with perfect or near-perfect grammar. Shows the writer actually considers that someone had to be able to read their work in order to review it and you sir look to have put plenty of consideration into that department. In simple terms, fantastic grammar, spelling and overall prose. However, I suggest you re-read it fully at least once more to make sure you've gotten rid of any loose errors. It doesn't seem lik eyou have any major ones and people tend to be good about fixing any small ones for you if they see them, as long as there aren't too many. Format wise, you are great for the first 3/4ths of the article. Once we get to the More "must see" big stuff though, it gets a little messy. The reason for this being that your sections are so short compared to the pictures and that leaves a lot of white space between them. The best solution I can think of is to place all of those images into the center and then placing the description of it below the pictures. I wouldn't suggest making the pics smaller then they already are kind of small and making the sections longer risks saturating the humour with unnecessary sentences. I would just experiment a bit, but I think the solution I gave you may be your best route without having to delete/anything major to the sections. Aside from that, everything else is ok with format and prose.
Images:	9	Not much to say, you have plenty of pictures and they are all good quality. I'll just give you some minor suggestions. One, it might be worth consideration to make the Uluru picture a little bit bigger as it seems to small in portion to the rest of the pics in the article. Also, might want to make the pics in the beginning about the hats a little bigger as well; that would cover up all that white space below it and make the article feel smoother like it looks in the middle. I do have some things to say about the captions of a couple of the pictures though. Let's start with the pictures of the hat. I just want to make the quick interjection that you should include an Australian-styled joke within the caption, something like, "Australians pride themselves on sensible hatwear - failure to conform to these standards will result in denied entry/hind kicks from a kangaroo." Just an idea. Now the pineapple picture; the caption is funny, but I don't know if it's relevant enough to keep it. Something about it just seems out of place and not in touch with its section..."The Big Pineapple of Queensland. Rumour has it that it's walls are composed of the most delicious pieces of pineapple man has ever tasted. There may also be the remains a certain sponge admired by children." That is just an example, I think you might want to try and see if you can't create a more relevant caption to the section. If not, it's not that big a deal, I doubt anyone will raise a fuse about it. Finally, the Uluru picture. The caption here could also use a change because it seems a little too irrelevant to the rest of the section. "The Uluru, described by many visitors as the sole reason not to go to the Outback." Whatever else you can come up will probably be better than my suggestion, but you get the idea.
Miscellaneous:	9.5	Frankly put, I think you did a great job on this article. The only reason I didn't give you full marks is because this is the second good article I've reviewed this month and since it deserves such high remarks, that leaves little room for critiquing which makes me look like a crap reviewer. Just kidding, it's only because there are still some minor digressions that need to be fixed up. There is no way I would be channeling my frustration onto you. That's what my wife is for.
Final Score:	44.5	Good job on the article, hopeful my review was helpful enough for you. Let me know when you finish it up and I will go ahead and put it up for VFH for you or whenever the number of articles on there goes down a bit. Head over to my talkpage if you have any questions or comments or whatnot. Cheers.
Reviewer:	--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   04:51, January 7, 2012 (UTC)