Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:BobNewbie/UnNews:The 85th Anal Film Awards Rocks The Night!
User:BobNewbie/UnNews:The 85th Anal Film Awards Rocks The Night![edit source]
Well, I may be asking for too many urinations this week, but could somebody review this? Much appreciated, -
I have a talking zombie 21:12, March 19, 2011 (UTC).
- On it. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)
15:18, March 20, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | Overall, the humour is alright. The article isn't perfect, but you do have some parts that are pretty funny. One criticism is that you sometimes fail to capitalize on the humour of one of your lines, like this one, "A reporter has accused the filmmakers of cheating, but, then again, they are Italian." The reader gets the idea of what you're saying, but maybe clarify the joke a bit so that there's no chance of confusion? Just an idea.
A second criticism is that I'm a little confused about the guidance of your jokes. The Robert Downey Jr. section, for the most part, was pretty funny, although I was confused about him yelling that Michael Jackson lives. Is that a mainstream thing to know about or something? Back to the problem, I was a little confused about Danny Boyle getting his award and acting like a little girl, especially when Justin Bieber is up there with him. Is there something about Boyle that's feminine that I've missed? If so, disregard this note. Aside from that, my other criticism is to just fix the wording of some of your sentences. I go over this in the format section so just look for it there, but trust me, a bad sentence can ruin even the best joke. Fix that up and most of jokes within those sentences should come out like a stains on a shirt with Tide detergent. Bam! Analogy of the day. You're welcome. So yea, not much to say here. You gotten most of the jokes taken care off and for an UnNews article, I think it has enough wording to make worthwhile of being called an article. Just fix up those issues with humour and you should be set. |
| Concept: | 5.5 | So the concept itself isn't new, but it does mix it up a bit. You use a lot of cliche jokes here and there like that about the pedobear, but you do come up with some creative jokes. I can't give you complete credit though, since the pictures aren't completely original and give you the material for your jokes. I would suggest though, handling some of the issues I outlined in the humour and format section. Fixing those should set you up for a higher score here. Aside from that, it's a pretty well done concept. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | Main problem was the wording of many of the sentences. It was probably just an overlook on your part, so just re-read and look out for sentences that need to be fixed, like this one, "Even though he had the worst acceptance speech of the evening, we were shed tears, and our extra-terrestrial skins, in joy." Just look at it and you'll see what I mean. In regards to spelling, I didn't really see any errors, although you did misspell "Michael Jackson."...how dare you.
Anyways, just read the article over again to look out for any errors and such. In regards to formatting...ehhh, this is a tough call. In the state it's in, its a little difficult to read. It's like one giant, run-on paragraph being crushed by pictures on both sides. On the other hand, this is an UnNews article, but maybe you could split up the paragraph into sections with titles so that the flow looks a little better. Just an idea. With the pictures, maybe just leave some up and put the rest at the bottom? I do like the format of the pictures already down there, but maybe move some of the pictures above without captions, like 'Osamator' and 'It's Raining' down below. That should free up some space and make the flow a little less clunkier. |
| Images: | 8.5 | What can I criticize here? Nothing really, good choice of pictures and moreeee than enough. You explain them well and the captions are well placed. Good job here. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | Are the jokes in here original, or did you get them from somewhere? Rhetorical question though, but you can tell me if you want, but then that would ruin the point of it being rhetorical and then my day would be ruined....Why man, why? |
| Final Score: | 31 | So that's about it. Jump over to my page if you have any questions, comments, etc. Sorry that I didn't really say much, but there's never that much to say for UnNews articles. At least not this one...Hope I could help you out a bit. Cheers. |
| Reviewer: | --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  05:03, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
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