Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/United Arab Emirates (take
United Arab Emirates [edit source]
Its second time of United Arab Emirates to try.Dah Dope Boyz' 19:26, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
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This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned. |
I'll have this done within the next 24 hours.--
(CUN) 09:36, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Ok, I’ll start off with the biggest problem here. I looked back a the last review of this, and I see the reviewer made this same comment (although I’m still sure that this article has improved since the review). You article isn’t hopeless when it comes to humor - compared to the majority of articles out there, it's quite good. It garners a chuckle here and there, and that camel picture is amusing, as well as the section about blocked websites. So there definitely is potential here.
The problem here is that the majority of this is still just random humor. You’ve made up random facts – it’s simple as that. At points I see attempts at some actual parody, but they are not very strong attempts and are drowned out by the bulk of randomness, so they don't add any great humor. This needs to be improved. As I just said, complete lies CAN be funny. But not in bulk like this. You need to merge these current humor techniques with actual parody. And the UAE is a jackpot if you are looking for something to parody - there are some great subjects and attributions you can write about. Everyone knows about its buildings, they know that it is in the Middle East, they know oil comes from there, and that makes it a rich country. From these pieces of knowledge alone, you can really juice out a heap of humor. You can make up random things, but try and make it relate and play on your subject’s attributes. You can insult the place with little interruptions, make it look silly, make it look cool or write about it as if it something it isn’t. You have to try and merge some different types of humor into this – it will make it much funnier and keep the reader hooked at the same time. If you want ideas for different humor techniques, I always recommend the featured content. Check out the articles on countries in there, and look for inspiration. Reading humor make someone a funny person. The next biggest problem here is that your article has no real direction. Facts have been written and twisted, or just completely made up. It feels as if it was written by many people, each adding a tiny contribution – because it was, really. What you need to do is think what kind of impression you want to give your reader about this country. Do you it to look like a strange Middle Eastern country from the movies, or a stupid, money only place, or the best location ever? You’ve got to take a step back and think about want you want to say about this subject, and how you're gong to say it. Try and SHOW instead of TELL - it's much more effective and more exciting for the reader. You’ve got to make it clear to the reader who these people are – hit hard with your points and juice out humor from your ideas. If your article has a general direction like this, then it will be easier to read, and also help out the humor in many ways. My last point here is the timing of your jokes. Sometimes you pack as many as you can into a single line. If these were awesome jokes, you wouldn’t give the reader time to breathe, which would hurt the humor. Other times you have whole rather boring sections without a single joke. Try and spread out your jokes so you keep the reader hooked with some continuous humor, but give them time to breath so the joke hits them hard and strong. Timing is very important for humor and if you concentrate on this, then it will help this article’s humor out greatly. |
| Concept: | 6 | This is a great concept to milk some quality humor from. However, you could still use it better, as I have gone into in the humor section. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | This is still a big weak spot in your article, and needs to be concentrated on and fixed up. There are a few problems I will outline here...
First, your prose and writing style. Because this was written by multiple accounts, the style of writing is very jumpy and disjointed. It changes in each paragraph. You should pick a style here and rewrite the paragraphs so they are the same style throughout. That doesn’t mean completely changing the content, just the way you tell the jokes and facts. You also have a number of spelling mistakes, while your grammar is pretty much fine. I’m not going to go through each one, but recommend you add the {{Proofread}} tag to your article. On the subject of formatting, your article doesn’t look horrible. The only thing that you need to help out here is the placement of your images. I see your trying to place your images with your corresponding paragraphs- that is good. But you still have to try and spread out your pictures so none are squashed together and there aren’t any large gaps. This will improve the looks of your article and will help it out a lot. |
| Images: | 4 | None of your images are actually funny – excepting that camel one, it gave me a chuckle.
The biggest improvement you need to make here are your captions - they are essential to making a normal picture funny, and adding to a funny picture's humor. Good captions are important, and if done well can add heaps of humor into your article. So spend some time on them to get them perfect, and it'll be worth it! |
| Miscellaneous: | 5 | Averaged your scores in my head. Don’t worry, I’m a good mathematician. |
| Final Score: | 25 | This is not a bad article as it stands. However, if you fix up the problems I have outlined, this will be a very solid parody. Good luck, and I hope I have helped!
If you have any questions and such, you can contact me at my talkpage. |
| Reviewer: | -- (CUN) 10:15, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
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