Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Gaddaffy Duck now hottest image on Google
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UnNews:Gaddaffy Duck now hottest image on Google[edit source]
23:32, February 25, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8 | What you have here is pretty damn good. You get going with the first paragraph and set the scene well and, just as important, quickly. Then you immediately stop things by pointing out this fact's irrelevance at the beginning of the second chapter, which I thought was effective; if there was a sound for this, it would be a record screeching to a stop: "These are the facts, but who cares." Good, throw that curve ball - it works. I liked how you started to go from there back to the 'real world' with the Lewisham Libyan, but refused, but then the last paragraph at the end was easily my favorite, with the comparison to Sanders and Mustard, determined to continue focusing on irrelevant, but specific, things. That whole 'refusing to focus on the serious thing' is a pretty certain recipe for good comedy writing, and you've got it going here. This has a potential to be a 10, but I just didn't think you did enough with the concept; it's quick, you don't overwrite, you get in and get out - good. But this is a solid concept; there are places to go, things to do, people to make fun of, but you leave a lot untouched. |
| Concept: | 8 | Again, great concept, but I was left wanting too much more. Here's a way you can expand this: These news stories are about events, and events always have both sources and repercussions to delve into of you're stuck. Some possible sources (in this case): Who are these 'amateur satirists' and what were some of their other creations? What are they trying to do with their humor? Why haven't they done this before? Repercussions: What is Gadaffi's response to this? The world's? What is it's impact on diplomacy? What are the repercussions of these other colonels falling in Google? You can take many of these paths and begin to go down them, only to veer off into comedic irrelevance once again. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6.5 | There were a few sentences in the first two paragraphs that I thought could use some work, for timing purposes, though the last one was solid. I thought the phrase "the image of Colonel Gaddafi with the head of Daffy Duck superimposed over the Libyan dictator's face is becoming an increasingly popular search term on Google with people across the globe finding trace elements of comic relief in the wacky combination" was run on - by the time I got to 'Google' I wanted a comma - but easily fixable. Try reading it out loud (no, seriously); it's easier to pick up on the timing elements of your writing if you can hear it. Also, a lesson that I swear by: "Put the word that makes the joke at the end of the sentence. Put the sentence that makes the joke at the end of the paragraph." Paragraph 3 'delivers' because it does this. Paragraph 1 doesn't deliver because it doesn't, but you don't want P.1 to deliver because it's a set-up paragraph and you need that. |
| Images: | 9 | Works for the story, though the background (I see what you're going for with the flames but...) distracts from the picture's "punchline." Maybe smoke running along the sides of the pic with a normal kind of blue sky behind GaDaffy? The light blue would bring out the black of Daffy to hit home harder. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.9 | Average score. |
| Final Score: | 39.4 | A great little article, though with a bit of delving, this could be a great article of more or less average-to-slightly-larger-than-average size. |
| Reviewer: | ~  Talk 20:48, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
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