Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Clinton spotted outside cave, in public
UnNews:Clinton spotted outside cave, in public[edit source]
Something is wrong with me. That contest last night spurred me on writing... I need to see a doctor. 
Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell • Latest literary excretion) __ 21:45, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | hello sonicator, its me tanya. i found a page where the monkey who only exists on thursdays asked me not to do any more pee reviews. but then other people said i should still do pee reviews. so i'm gonna do this one but you can delete it if you dont like it.
i thought this article had its moments. but i don't think it totally got it. i think it was satirizing the tendency of presidents to stay out of the public eye after they retire. but the thing is they really don't. except george w. bush who seems to have vanished. but clinton's always in the public eye. he's always campaigning for democrats and giving speaking engagements and talking to the un and going on diplomatic envoys and hes just everywhere. and carter is famous for doing way more with his post-presidency than he ever did with his presidency, if i remember right he pretty much decided he was going to solve starvation and the israel palestine crisis all by himself. and george h w bush did a lot with his post presidency too. so i feel like you're kinda satirizing something that doesn't exist. i guess that criticism should go in the concept box but i already typed it. but you did throw in a bunch of stuff along the way that made me smile. like "rotting aids infested corpse of mick jagger" and washington's farewell address including a recommendation that former presidents "stay the fuck out of the public eye" because obviously thats the opposite of how washington talked. i dont know what you're talking about with the president from 24. i saw the first season from 24 and didn't he like die from getting his hand melted by a evil terrorist spy girl with tape on her hand? maybe he came back to life in season 2 and did a lot of stuff in his post presidency, i dont know. the description of the cave is definitely funny. but again the problem is that clinton hasnt been living in a cave, that's bush. and technically that's a ranch. although cave is funnier. i liked the spin you put on the north korea thing, where it was the reporters who helped clinton get out of the dprk instead of the other way around, that was pretty amusing. the stuff on obama and jobs was okay but predictable, but making hillary clinton buy clinton's groceries was pretty hilarious. so good job on that. because shes secretary of state and he, according to the article, is a caveman. basically i think the writing's good, i cant think of anything that's obviously missing, i just really struggle with your concept. maybe you could tweak it, like make it an article about bush asking clinton to join him in the cave, or make it bush's opinion that former presidents should live in caves, because he's the only one whose really been known to hide. we didn't hear much from ronald reagan after his presidentcy but thats because he got demented and started hiding his own poop around the house. |
| Concept: | 3 | i think i covered this already in the section above. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | okay so youre a really good writer and the prose is all good and easy to read and i dont see any mistakes but what the hell is up with all the bolding and italicizing? i think an unnews is supposed to look like a news article and if you look at the source you have, the san francisco examiner, they dont put all the proper nouns in bold. and i don't have the clue at all what your italics are supposed to signify.
i notice a bunch of unnews writers put all the quotes in italics but the actual news writers never do that. so i dont get it. but here you have a bunch of stuff in italics thats not a quote. like "ghana" and "former president" and "anti-american". i cant figure out your rules for using italics. and then on top of that there are a fucking shit ass-ton of links in this article so its like every word is in a different format. i mean, look at the first sentence: bold caps, blue bold lowercase, black italic, blue italic, bold blue, normal, bold, normal, bold blue, normal, italic blue, normal, bold. thats in one sentence!! its fucking crazy and soooo distracting. i couldnt even read it for the first 5 minutes. i kept having to think to myself "tanya just read the damn article instead of being mesmerized by the gently rolling colors and textures" maybe its my own preference but i like it when at least 80-90 percent of an article is just in normal text, like id read in a book or something, because i read lots of books and i enjoy them. |
| Images: | 10 | i give it a 10 because its probably basically the only appropriate picture that could go with this article so why not? also it makes mick jagger look gross. but thats not very challenging these days. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | well i guess what i walked away with is it is a flawed article but it makes me want to read your other articles because youre funny and you can write greater than many other uncyclopedians. |
| Final Score: | 33 | have a great 4th of july weekend!!! |
| Reviewer: | Horace Donald Westenchester 21:40, July 2, 2010 (UTC) | |