Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Abraham Lincoln walking amongst us; won't go home.
UnNews:Abraham Lincoln walking amongst us; won't go home.[edit source]
Well, here's my second swing at doing the Unnews. My last Pee review submission about Danny Devito didn't get reviewed, and I doubt it will, so I'm hoping I can get some feedback on this one, which I'm starting to doubt will happen. Because, as we all know, Abe Lincoln is cool, but also hilarious. Hope it's enjoyed!
Eh, I liked it. Not hilarious, it doesn't have to be. Jdude 16:33, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
Reubnick 23:53, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
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Not under user but under review. So, smile. |
Needs Help: not really
VFH Nom: maybe.
Liked by Zheliel: yes.
Good, best prose I've seen in a pee review (that I did)
I'll try. With Savings, most probably. – 08:03 September 10
| Humour: | 7.2009 | Generally - Very good, funny, thorough. Great all in all.
Opening Paragraph + Second Para - Has a very "news" tone, which is good. Nothing needs correction; it's perfectly good in its current state. But I think that you could exaggerate the "giving pennies and souvenirs" part. But not too much; a hundred dollars won't garner much belief. Third Para - You have this nice informal tone, but you should use some aprostrophes. As in use contractions. You're, might've, these are good. Use "slang" too. Merge words - kinda (kind of), mighta (might have). And don't use too many words when you can just use one. DOn't use "under the impression", use "thought". Not many people would use long-ish words. Or phrases. Also, you can use adjectives to describe the witness. Plain witness is bland. Monotonous. Para 4+5 - Good. But why Father Abraham? Is it some sort of American thing? I'm not one, you know. And maybe you'd like to indicate the theory the extremists don't believe. Para 6 - WABIT is nice. Funny. Wabit lol. And maybe you'd like to clarify why the Huntz guy didn't believe Abraham Lincoln isn't alive. Para 7+8 - For the last line, don't italicize it. Just "use aprostrophes". ANd it's not vogorously, it's vigorously. And I don't think you should use subsequently. That means due to a certain event. Use "so" or "thus". Para 9+10 - 9 is good. Especially the smell thing. For Para 10, use "either...or". It took a while for me to understand what the commas were about. |
| Concept: | 8.59111 | Based on "true" stuff. So it can be expanded. But it's good on it's own. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8.111 | Generally - Almost zero mistakes. Just a comment, you might want to use (") instead of ('). For example, ('won't go home') looks kind of weird. It seems as if you're trying to accent on "won" instead of the phrase itself.
Second Para - You spelled Souvenirs wrongly. Last word. Third Paragraph - SOmewhere near the back, there is 'go home, Abe!". It's inconsistent. It shouls be either 'go home, Abe!' or "go home, Abe!". Red Links - You know, if you see that the links are red, you can do [[Link|Fake title]] To produce Fake title, with the page directing to Link. I do that quite a lot. |
| Images: | 7.37 | First Pic - Put your full stop in the caption. But that pics good. Both looking into the cam. Is that a real pic?
Second Pic - Wait... the caption is wrong. Lincoln was standing, not sitting. Third Pic - Good picture, but for that caption, you should photoshop a "money please" sign or something along those lines. Or go to the Uncyclopedia:RadicalX's_Corner if you don't have photoshop. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.8 | Averag'd. |
| Final Score: | 39.07301 | Good. I liked it. |
| Reviewer: | With Savings, most probably. – 08:49 September 10 | |