Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:"Crunchberries" Aren't Real Berries; Cap'n Crunch Arrested

Re-Written to include more cereal jokes. Also, it's now 100% organic.

projectjulio 22:46, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	7	The humor is solid. The article name caught me immediately, first of all, and reading through I really did laugh out loud. I think, though, the humor could be helped if it read a little more formally, as if it was a real newspaper.
Concept:	8	Definitely a solid concept. Misleading advertising is a nutty subject to talk about.
Prose and formatting:	5.8	I think there are some spots that could be reworded to be just like a newspaper. For example, the second paragraph strikes me as too vague for something that is purportedly from a newspaper. Instead of saying "recently", say "two months ago". Newspapers rarely use transition phrases like "for example," so those should be cut out as well. I also think that too much stuff is crammed into each paragraph. Space things out so your reader doesn't burn out from prose cluster.
Images:	6.5	There's only one picture, but since this article is short it is probably forgivable, especially since the image and caption are both pretty funny.
Miscellaneous:	6.8	An arbitrary score based on my overall feeling on the article.
Final Score:	34.1	Overall, it's a promising start, but the prose requires some fixes. To get a sense of what I'm talking about, try reading something like the Onion, which masters the faux-news article tone perfectly. If you'd like me to elaborate or help, by all means contact me on my talk page.
Reviewer:	Parsat (talk / contribs) 23:36, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

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