Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks: An 82 Year Old Woman Wants My Body!
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UnBooks: An 82 Year Old Woman Wants My Body![edit source]
Thanks for any advice you might have. Like "Stop writing". Geoffprickett 15:07, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
- Congratulations, you're my first review since returning to Uncyclopedia. God, feels good to let loose my stream of duty once more. sir
sysrq @ 01:36 Nov 5
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PrIP'd! Pee Review In Progress Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF |
| Humour: | 7 | Alright, this is going to be a bit out of order. I want to address a few other things first, so I'm jumping right to the Concept section. See you later.
Back. I like your writing style. You have some clever lines here and there. I must say, you're quite the wiz with sexual innuendo. But it needs to lighten up just a bit. A good humor concept is to do the unexpected. If you say something like "fly my japs into her pearl harbor" and then later say "oh, and sexual intercourse too" because I thought that first line meant intercourse, that's funny and unexpected. Something to think about. |
| Concept: | 6 | I don't think this is a very well conceived concept. To be honest, I'm a little grossed out. This feels a little too silly and a little cliched. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this section because there's not much to be improved here without a whole rewrite. But if you're following me in my "jump around" style reviewing, you'll see that it's not all bad. This isn't a bad article. You could continue with this concept and make this into a perfectly respectable article, just read on and I'll see what we can do with this. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | I'm splitting this up because I don't like the way this table groups prose and formatting together. I think your prose is pretty nice, you have a very readable writing style. It could use some improvement and some touching up; the syntax at the beginning is confusing and looks very, how do I say it, bad. But I would say that this article is, on average, average. You have great potential as a writer and you could really improve this article if you sat down at it with a serious mind to revise your syntax.
The formatting will be addressed in the Misc section and your score there will reflect your formatting. (instead of the Avg thing) |
| Images: | 7 | I never like reviewing images. I suck with images. As far as I can see, your images are "fine". Nothing really blows me away, nothing really disappoints. Perhaps the only change I would make here is that .gif at the end. .gifs should really only be used in very select situations, where they are most appropriate. I don't see that image as being very appropriate in this article. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | Your formatting needs work. Cut back on the quote templates. Those were driving me crazy throughout this article. You need to format your quotes just like we do in regular English. Italicize anything between quotations. Always start quotes on a new line. Stuff like that. Also, watch your capitalization. |
| Final Score: | 33 | If this feels a bit rushed, it's because it is. I'm at school right now and I just remembered that I needed to review your article. I apologize for the briefness of this review, but I hope you still appreciate the advice that I'm giving you. I believe this article can and should be revised and improved. I believe you have great potential as a writer. And I do believe the bell is going to ring in two minutes. Good job, let me know if you have questions. |
| Reviewer: | sir sysrq @ 15:34 Nov 5
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