Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:Uncyclopedia Brown and Wikipedia Brown solve the mystery of the missing smugglers and their hidden cave or something

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UnBooks:Uncyclopedia Brown and Wikipedia Brown solve the mystery of the missing smugglers and their hidden cave or something

Wrote this "today" (May 30). I don't know if it would work as an unbook or unscript, I don't know if it makes sense, and I don't know if it's funny or if the concept works. This is an ambitious review for any up-and-coming steel kidney.

I'll take any level of reviewer, but don't waste my time... thanks.   Le Cejak • <6:25 May 31, 2009>

This article is under review by none other than..... Stairs. Let down your hopes, eh?

I can't get this right now, but I will in the next day. So stay back! Hsssssss... Staircase CUN^t 08:32, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Looking forward to it, stairs!   Le Cejak • <14:39 May 31, 2009>

Humour:	8.5	We'll break it down, chapter by chapter for review quality. (Trust me it's better this way. Also note how I said trust me, this means believe me, or I will rip of your left arm. Or right. Whatever is your dominant arm) Chapter 1 - So you get right off the bat here with two people - Uncyc and Wiki. I must say, good idea from the Uncyclopedia Brown article. You have a nice touch with Wikipedia pointing out actual fact, and Uncyc responding with it's bullshit and sying it's real. Another good thing: Uncyc is superior to Wikipedia. So, you made this part look like it was kind of two, sort of oblivious detectives who will be our main characters. THey have a good discusion, but I must admit, my laugh level was at zero. Not one laugh. I smiled when Uncyc said Pat and Brian must be invovled, but other than that, not really. Chapter 2 - Humour-wise, the second chapter was an improvement over the first. You did a good job making "Jimmy" look like a real idiot. You supply more laughs, which is excellent. I have nothing to say for problems with content or humour or anything. However, I should say this in the formatting section but... those Random bold words and phrases are driving me nuts. I know it's for emphasis, but please! My Eyes!!!! Chapter 3 - This chapter, like the previous, has no real problems with it. You have a good amount of content, and an interesting part about Uncyc and his sex life. However, you do have that one refence to the Da VInci Code, and I don't think the plot is becoming that complicated... but maybe that's part of the joke. I'm not rally sure. That said, let's look at some of the better parts in this section. Again, you have another reference to fact that is replaced by nonsense. Those have pretty much made me laugh thus far. Also, good plot twist, And I am thinking in the end the two will have nothing to do with eachother. Chapter 4 - This section was good as well as the others. A very nice touch about how they look at teh end of the story to see how it ends. Great idea. Originally, when Jimmy said die was a manucfacturing too, I thought he somehow got that from Uncyclopedia. However, I searhed both, and yes, it was from Wiipedia. So that was good as well, but maybe you could make it the singular form of dice, so everyone knows what you are talkig about without having to search, like I idd? Or maybe I'm just an idiot. Anyhow, the part at the end was kinda of lame for me, with Uncyc practically saying how he wanted to kill Jimmy, but then saying he was licking him while he was asleep. This will amke some people laugh, but for me it was more like "Meh.". You don't need to change that around a lot, but it's a suggestion. Chapter 5 - Excellent part of the story. Nice touch with having Illogicopedia as the "bad guy". However, one question: Whatever happened to the smugglers? That left me scratching my head. Yes, you did have someone destroy the planet (Good way to reaveal that before), but unless Illogicopedia was the smuggler I don't what happened to them. Also, no cave, which I found quite disappointing. SO, the ending is particularly humourous, bu it leaves many questions unanswered, such as "Where are the smugglers?", "Illogicopedia is really a bastard like that?" and "Why am I still a virgin?". SO just answer the questions, and tweak it up a little bit.
Concept:	8.5	It's a good idea, and a different one too. It's definitely out of the ordinary, and the more creatie the better. Also, great job at making wikipedia inferior and looking like a real retard. I praise you for that. Also, having them look up the end was positively fantastic(!), as well as them going to the LCH. Cunning. However, like I said above, in the endig chapter you leave questions unanswered. To seal those holes up, you could just write the answers down in one quick sentence, like "It turns the smugglers weren't involved at all. They were busy vactioning in Figi" or something. Just make sure to answer the questions. Once you do that, everything will be fine and dandy. So, um, good job or something.
Prose and formatting:	7	Ouch. My eyes. This was particularly tough for me to read, and that is beacuse you had random bits of bolded terms just for emphsis. I suggest what you do is just leave them be. You could always, instead of bolding them, make a link to the particular article where you got the information from. That would make it easier to read, and much more pleasant on my eyes. But other than that, I have no real compliants for you in this area. COntent levels are fine, and it was clearly specified when someone was talking. Also, few spelling mistake (I think there were two), and a good amount of links. Just get rid of the bold terms here, and were on to a winner.
Images:	6	Ok. The one image that you do have is pretty good. Well made, except you didn't specify that the article was written by Oscar Wilde. May I suggest doing that? I looked at the picture, and saw "By Oscar Wilde" and said, "I don't think this one is by him". So clear that part up. Also, this article is sort of long, so you will definitely need more than one picture. Definitely. I definitely think you should get someone to make a picture of Jimmy, so Uncyclopedia Brown isn't all by himself. Also, might I suggest a picture of the LCH down near the bottom? This will be good. But overall, I suggest two more pictures, and if you're feeling weiird or high something weird, you could add three. But I think at least wo images.
Miscellaneous:	7.5	See Below.
Final Score:	37.5	So, let's go through the bsic things you need to do as emphasized in the pee review: Get rid of the bold - Sort of ironic how I said that in bold, eh? But still, do that, and I suggest that you make links instead, even for the wikipedia ones. Answer the questions - Just add a sentence or two that answers all of the things that you left unanswered. Add pics - You are in the dire need of pictures. Like I said, at least two. Three if you want. Overall, good article, with a little bit of polishing here and there, you could make this into a real winner and get another feature. That would be elevnty billion, right? I think so. So, good uck with that!
Reviewer:	Staircase CUNt 16:39, 31 May 2009 (UTC)