Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The three legged barstool

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The three legged barstool

Cool I Get A Signature 15:50, November 20, 2011 (UTC)

• Note to reviewer. I will add more images but it is hard to find images of Barstools to use in a comedic way. Cool I Get A Signature 18:01, November 20, 2011 (UTC)

Doing it Pup 01:02 18 Jan '12

Humour:	6	I'll start at the very top and work my way down. Section 0 One thing I was taught in web page design is the first 3 seconds that someone is on your site is the most crucial, as if you haven't given them a reason to stay on your site in that time period then they're going to go again. For this reason I'm against templates at the start of an article, and I'm usually against opening quotes unless they are exceedingly funny. That template that you have there says, effectively, "If you're not British then fuck off, you Yankee bastard." As an AustralianI am in full support of insulting Americans wherever possible, but as you are trying to get people into the article it would be better to remove that template. Especially as I'm fairly positive that the English are not the only people who use three legged bar stools. The quote is a little different. I don't like the quote itself so much, but it does help to set up the concept, and the Well, not actually... bit is actually funny. What I would be inclined to do us cut the quote out of where it is and have it further down in the introduction, but as part of the paragraph. Something like David Attenborough once said on a three legged bar stool<ref>Well, not actually ''on'' a barstool, but you get the picture.</ref>, ''They are genuinely... or something along those lines. Everything relating to David Cameron can, and should, be removed from this section. It doesn't add any real humour to the article, and again just alienates people who don't know who he is. The rest of it is pretty tight, though. It introduces the topic, gets us a good image of the concept, and make us want to continue reading. If there is an easy one liner to throw into here as well that would make it significantly better. Section 1 A little dry this section, but there is only so much you can say about the appearance of a barstool. I would break it into two paragraphs though. The second paragraph should start with the two varieties (variants?) of stool. Remember that what you are talking about is an animal. Making it more like the description of an animal helps continue the fiction a bit longer, and this is all about suspension of disbelief. Animals generally have facial features, whereas a barstool has none. Talking about hidden eyes, or something similar, may help here. Also the fact that it has three legs means that it isn't fish, bird, lizard or mammalian. This means it is in its own class of species, like a platypus. While classification of the species isn't really part of it's appearance, and would probably fit in better elsewhere, it's just something I was thinking about. Bit 2, 3 and 4 Again, paragraphs are wonderful things. I like the Scotsmen angle. I will admit that it probably works better in the UK than it does universally, but it still is funny. I would expand on the habitat section though. Are you likely to find one in every pub, or does it comes down to the quality of a pub? What aspects of a pub make this its ideal habitat? There is also the question of why does the stool prefer to inhabit pubs? Why has it evolved into a shape that encourages people to sit on it? Is that part of the way it procreates, or part of its eating patterns? If it were me writing this, I'd be suggesting that they are hermaphroditic in nature, which means that it does require two of them to mate, but they inseminate each other through a symbiotic process with humans. First a human sits on them, and they spread their seed onto the human. This causes the human to have side effects such as a feeling of mild euphoria, clumsiness, and a sudden belief that they can sing. (In short, people feel drunk not because of what they are drinking, but because of the effect of the seminal fluids of the chair being absorbed through the skin. This works out well for the landlords of the hotel, as they have become aware of this and they sell watered down or "American" beer instead of higher alcohol content beers.) Once a human has been successfully inseminated they are encouraged to move onto another chair by having a sudden need to go to the privy, buy a packet of cigarettes, or stand up in front of the rest of the crowd and sing the greatest hits of Queen. When they come to sit down again the hoe is that they will sit in another chair. If they go to sit on the same chair, however, the chair discourages them by suddenly letting one leg go limp and allowing the patron to fall on the floor. Expanding on this and you have suddenly created an entire lifecycle for the stools. Having their excrement the metal bits on the end of their feet. This is then taken and carried away by people for... whatever the hell the reason is people take these. Their dietary intake is absorbing the moisture from the floor of thousands of spilled drinks. Blah blah blah. Last bit Kill it. Nothing really funny here, and the whole "Save them" bit breaks the neutral point of view. True, NPOV isn't important here as a whole, but by keeping that going you maintain the fiction that this is an encyclopedic entry.
Concept:	6	Covered this in the above bit. What I would do before coming back to improve this is read a few Wikipedia articles on different species and try and emulate how these are set out. The more you mimic these kinds of things the better it will be.
Prose and formatting:	4	Good layout and overall appearance. As I said before you do need to break your paragraphs down a bit more, as huge blocks of text make it harder to read. There are a bundle of spelling mistakes and other issues like that as well. I'd suggest having someone proofread this after you're done.
Images:	4	You already know you need more. There's not much more I can say on this, really, except a picture of detail (the metal bits at the bottom of the feet, or a diagram with arrows pointing to major parts of the stool), and a picture of their natural environment.
Miscellaneous:	6	There is potential here. I've gone through a lot of detail at the start and I hope that it's enough to be able to get you moving towards what could be a featureable article. If you need anything else, you know where to find me. That's right, at the pub singing the greatest hits of Queen.
Final Score:	26
Reviewer:	Pup 10:25 18 Jan '12