Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Swedish textile industry is GAY
The Swedish textile industry is GAY[edit source]
Yes, it's more Winklercruft, but let me know if it's funny... 
pillow talk 00:06, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5.5 | This article was alright. I liked how you wrote it as if it was being written by an 8 year old. It can be funnier though. Sometimes the article lapses into near-randomness, and that isn’t funny. You need to make sure that it flows completely, even if you are going for the “written as if an 8 year old wrote it” approach. Randomness is rarely funny. Some parts are hard to understand. How does the closing of less productive plants lead to an overall creation of more human-capital intensive jobs? Would it be easier to write something like ‘the closing of less productive plants leads to more unemployment’ or something along those lines? What is TEKO? Instead of having that in the article, replace it with something like the king of Sweden, so its something the reader can understand easier. “History of the gay Swedish textile industry” is going to need to be edited so it flows smoothly.
It’s hard to understand with the writing style you employed since it keeps going off track. For “the green movement in the Swedish textile industry” focus on hatred for the first paragraph, just saying stuff like ‘I hate the Greens they work for the textile industry bla bla bla’ and in the second paragraph be very technical and formal, saying stuff like the green industry supports the textile industry because it uses hexabromocyclododecane, and that they should not conduct studies benefiting the textile industry by using enviromental biotoxins in an urban environment, because the textile industry is gay. The conclusion is fine. After the conclusion you could add a see also section, such as: See Also I HATE THE SWEDISH TEXTILE INDUSTRY I HATE THE SWEDISH TEXTILE INDUSTRY I HATE THE SWEDISH TEXTILE INDUSTRY I HATE THE SWEDISH TEXTILE INDUSTRY Have them all linked to different stuff. |
| Concept: | 7 | It is a good idea for an article, and has originality and potential. The potential cane be brought out fully by using the advice on this pee review. |
| Prose and formatting: | 3 | This one is going to need a lot of work. I dislike the way you’ve set out this article and the writing style but that can be fixed. Instead of making this article just an article about the Swedish textile industry, make the article an interview with an 8 year old boy about his opinions on the Swedish textile industry, so the title of the article would be something like: An interview with an 8 year old boy about his opinions on the Swedish textile industry (via email). If you put in the email part, its more understanding that it is written messy, as people do write un-neat with stuff like emails. Instead of having the headlines stuff like “fuck the Swedish textile industry,” “history of the gay Swedish textile industry,” “the green movement in the Swedish textile industry,” and “conclusin” you could make them “what is your opinion on the Swedish textile industry?” “What is the history of the Swedish textile industry?” “Tell us about the green movement in the Swedish textile industry” and “Do you have any concluding words?” You could add one more heading that could be at the start saying “So why exactly do you hate the Swedish textile industry” if you think its necessary. |
| Images: | 3.5 | Because it is a short article, there shouldn’t be a lot of images, but there should be at least two. Your image of the klassbol textile mill didn’t stand out to me, because it is pretty dull, but it does fit in with the article. Its always good to have an image that jumps out at the reader, as something they wouldn’t expect to be in this article, such as the image below. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4.6 | Used the pee formula. |
| Final Score: | 23.6 | Good article, but it needs some fixing. |
| Reviewer: | --Docile hippopotamus 10:11, 16 January 2009 (UTC) | |
