Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Pirate Bay
The Pirate Bay[edit source]
Threw this together in a couple of hours after I saw an IP make a crappy version of the page. What do YOU think? --Andorin Kato 08:42, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
I'm in here now, 24 hours. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:49, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | Your humour isn't too bad. When I read I enjoyed the idea of the Pirate Bay being a real place and I think the ideas surrounding this definitely has potential, but you do need to work on them. The first thing that I recommend you do is establish exactly what you want the Pirate Bay, it's users and it's creators to be. This was the biggest problem I noticed in your article, there is a lot of seemingly contradictory information and I think it would be better for your article if you clearly state what you mean at the start. The problem manifests itself mostly in that it feels like the sections are completely separate from one another and a number of times I thought it felt like multiple people had written this one. My advice for fixing this is, as I said above, to explain with a bit more clarity, what you want to present the Pirate Bay as. I'm not saying type an explanation across the top of the article in massive letters, but rather read through your text carefully and try and identify trouble spots where contradictory information is presented or where you are going with a joke is unclear.
You fall into quite a common trap in having less patience for setting up the article than you do the main ideas you have for the article, so just try to devote a bit more time to developing the context. The other problem that I noticed was that because the different paragraphs feel like they have a disparity in writing style your running joke of the Pirate Bay being a real place geographically doesn't really work as well as it should. My recommendation would be to try to just be clear with the context and to give your running joke a look at the same time to make sure it works too. You should also make sure that your writing isn't jumbled up and difficult to follow, personally I found the final section (about the trials) difficult to follow, I was under the impression you meant that they started the trials themselves to get more attention, if that is the case, why are they surprised when they get attention and support? Perhaps I am just being incredibly thick but this seemed a bit confusing and incoherent to me. Essentially there are some good jokes in here, but they are somewhat inaccessible because the text is quite confused at times. |
| Concept: | 8 | Your concept is good and I like the idea that the Pirate Bay is a real place a lot. Your tone is OK but it would be worth taking another look at it. You make good use of the encyclopaedic tone, as I am coming to expect from your other work, but you should be careful about slipping from it at times. Remember that the encyclopaedic tone means you shouldn't present opinions in the text and should stick to presenting facts. Case in point, you refer to the lawyers who did a bad job of defending against Pirates by saying "The pirates, of course, ignored these incompetent defenders". You should try to present this differently, use a non-sequitur or just reword it. This principle does not just apply to this instance, you should check the rest of the text in your article carefully to make sure you catch any further instances of this. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | As I have seen in your other work your prose are for the most part without serious error. Though, as I usually do, I would recommend a final proofread to ensure you get any errors sorted out. You should also remember to proofread after any edits to the article, if you change a section significantly, make sure you remember to check it afterwards. The main problem here is your formatting. I like the text box, but you should really try to avoid having it sit right on top of a second image, it looks relatively untidy, try to leave a small space between the two, that way everything looks a lot less crowded. I would also suggest that you make the last two images a bit larger, as you have plenty of space and it is hard to discern what is going on in the images without navigating away from the article to look at them at full size. |
| Images: | 9 | Only your formatting issues pull you back here. The images are amusing and the captions add to this. You just need to ensure the pictures can be enjoyed without having to break away from the article. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 38 | You have all the ingredients for excellence here, you just need to ensure that you sort everything out so that these different parts can work properly together. The enduring feeling I got from your article was that it should be very amusing, and parts were, but it was being held back by some minor errors, sort those out and you will be well on your way to realising this article's potential. If you have any questions or comments for me, please feel free to leave them on my talk page. Good luck making any changes. |
| Reviewer: | --ChiefjusticeDS 10:13, November 22, 2009 (UTC) | |