Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Team Fortress 2
Team Fortress 2[edit source]
This is my first article. I made it myself (with and without my account) and I would like a pee review. PizzaVideos555 02:57, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
- Expect a review within 24 hours. I'm trying to be a better role model for future pee reviewers, so I mean it when I say 24 hours, don't worry. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)
23:10, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
| Humour: | 4 | To start, let me just say I like the path that you are going with this article. It shows promise and assuming you continue working on it and improving it here and there. The two main issues I see after reading the article though, are that the sections are too short and there is too much randomness is many of the sections. Let's start with fixing the article as it is right now. First off, I would suggest reading HTBFANJS just to get an idea of what sort of random humour to avoid. I don't think you necessarily need as much as most new writers, but it may help a bit. The reason I say this is because of of certain sections in your article that are more ridiculous than funny. The entire section about Demoman, for example, is just silly jokes that aren't that funny and make the article look a little less professional than it should. This also applies to your weird joke about Soldier, "but nobody knew he would soon become Mrs. America." What? Since when did Soldier become a drag queen? Or that section about the Scout's Mother
"A whore, nuff said." More mean and unnecessary than funny, I'm not even sure where that character came from, is it actually in the game? If anything, I would say that your section about the medic is probably the most funny out of anything in this article, but that's just my opinion. Try and see if you can't replicate what you did there for the rest of the article. Now to deal with the issue of expanding your article. Based on what I see from your article, my main suggestion would be to include some of your more basic sections in an article, such as a brief history section about the game. Talk about its critical review from gamers, maybe talk about the plot-line and how it's all about senseless violence for the greater good of virtual mankind or something like that. Right now, all you have down is the character listing, and even with that, your article isn't much. With that being said, it is advisable for you to expand the sections you already have, as well include some extra sections. You're off to a good start, now let's see you build up on what you've got and then submit your finished work here. Some extra stuff should really give the next reviewer a lot more to work with and talk to you about. |
| Concept: | 6 | A pretty good concept you have here, a popular game also makes for good potential for an article. A little surprised it hasn't been done already, however, your execution of it could use a little work. Look at all the sections listed to get an idea of what you can do to improve the article. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | Didn't see any spelling errors or grammar errors, but I would re-read everything just to make sure you don't miss any of those things as they can have an impact on the humour value of your article.
I did take off points for the formatting however. The size of the pictures is a bit too much and it causes some tightness in the article. Aside from that, the format is ok, although the sections could use some more words to make them a bit bigger. |
| Images: | 4 | The images you have right now aren't too bad, but I would suggest scaling down their size a bit as they take up too much space right now. I would also suggest adding pics for each other character types, which would give you a chance for some extra humour in the captions of those pics. That's just an idea. You could also get some pictures of the soldier rocket jumping or maybe of some in-game fighting sequence or something. Really, I'll leave this are for you to decide what you want to do, the opportunities are endless. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.45 | This number just feels right. So, so right. |
| Final Score: | 24.45 | So that's about it. Don't let the score discourage you or anything, there are just numbers we reviewers use to make ourselves feel like god. This article truly does show promise, you just got to put a little more effort into it. Any questions or comments can be left on my talkpage and I'll do the best I can to respond quickly. Hope my review helped you a bit, cheers! |
| Reviewer: | --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  06:09, February 1, 2012 (UTC)
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