Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Swaziland

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Swaziland

It's a rewriting, baby! GermanPug ► SPRICH, FREUND! 10:10, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

Humour:	5.5	Alright, I know that seems really low, but don't despair. Essentially, I think you've got an article with a lot of potential that could be a great one if you worked on it some more. Your concept, while solid, is somewhat typical for an Africa article (see below). I think you should try to go in depth about the country's history a little more. Recently, there have been some pushes to democratize in Swaziland, and the King has been dragging his feet about it. Perhaps you should mention that? Also, Swaziland is not surrounded by South Africa; it shares a border with Mozambique. Finally, get rid of that god awful "statistics" section. As a general rule, lists are almost never funny unless they're integral to the article.
Concept:	6	Well, as I said above, the concept is decent, but you need to do some more work to make it unique. Everyone knows most African countries (with the exception of a few like South Africa and Tunisia) are basket cases and dictatorships. You need to do something to make Swaziland stand out. It's one of the last absolute monarchies in the world; perhaps you could focus on that and contrast it with the other Presidents/kings in other countries. For example: "Unlike in neighboring Mozambique, Swaziland's king rules with an iron fist and doesn't try to hide it. Not like that 'President' ruling the country next door to it." It's just a suggestion, but I think you could go somewhere with it. Also, as I said above, try to go more in-depth about the attempts to introduce democracy to Swaziland and the King's reluctance.
Prose and formatting:	4	This is, in my opinion, your article's Achilles Heel. There are a lot of run-on sentences and periods where they don't belong. I suggest doing a thorough copy-edit of this to get rid of any egregious spelling and grammar errors. One of the first things people judge an article on is grammatical structure.
Images:	5	A mixed bag here. The flag is really funny, but it could be more smoothly integrated into the picture. The banana picture is kind of random. The picture of the king is a little childish, but I suppose it works well for what its supposed to do. One thing, though: axe the Indian Nazi picture. That has shown up all over the net, and it's a really stereotypical "shock value" image.
Miscellaneous:	5.5	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	26	Basically, you've got a good starting point for a solid article, but you need to do some tinkering with it to refine the grammar and flow. Find something that makes it stand out from other Africa articles-what makes Swaziland different? Why is it important? Good luck!
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 (talk) 18:21, July 3, 2012 (UTC)