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I usually put most or all of my Humour comments in with Prose and Formatting so I don't repeat myself, but do score them separately.
Some of the prose I think is very good, and would rate it much higher than the overall Prose and Formatting score would indicate.
Captain Kirk quote
- It's an odd fact of Uncyclopedia that many, many unfeatured articles begin with quotes, but very few featured ones do. I think the quotes OK (Shatner who had hair wearing a toupee; Stewart who didn't not wearing one), but really wouldn't miss it.
- "Star Trek: Typical Product of the 1980s"--this made me want to look for several references to how this was a typical 1980s TV show, with typical 1980s TV shows showing the destruction of the universe and/or being infested with humans. But it didn't, and also didn't show how this show focused on the universe's destruction.
Origins
- There's a lot of build so that the article can say the show isn't related to Star Trek (titles in italics), but I don't find it funny.
- I don't find the pet's thing funny.
Premise
- The Mission
- To me, this is where the concept is, although it was also mentioned in the introduction. I imagine this making-everything-a-part-of-the-Federation is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the Borg, but I'm not getting the connection.
- Departure From "The Mission"
- Here the article takes what was partially built up in the previous section, and then tears it down. Essentially, this is tearing down the article's concept. Also here "Star Trek: The Next Generation's resounding success," but in the intro "...every moment to merge into one continuous dull blur...."--these statements seem incompatible. You might want to ask how do you want to present the series, as highly successful or deathly dull? If you use both, then the article needs a definite reason why something so dull would be so popular.
Life in the 24th Century
- "...the show's 47 season run...."--again, a contradiction, for in the intro it said the show was on in the late 1980s and early 1990s.
- Artificial Gravity
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Whether (When) in deep space...."--should be "when," not "whenever." I think the likely purposely confusing ground section could work, but you might want to correct "ground being pulled toward the ground" so it at least sounds pseud- logical. Also has does artificial gravity help more people travel through space--if they could float through the air of the ship instead of being stuck on the floor, wouldn't that give them more room?
- Transporters
- I rather liked this section, but you might want to reword "been stuck in traffic standing on public transport whilst trying to hold the shopping and stay upright at the same" so it's clearer what's meant--stuck standing on a bus?
- Food Replicators
- I found this a nice description, but not funny.
Consequences of Technological Advances
- "...satisfy every Human..."--sometimes it's written "human," sometimes "Human." You might want to make these the same. " (in its evil, communist insanity)"--your article is largey encyclopedic, which is fine, but this isn't. If you want to put something like this in there, I'd recommend doing it as a quote--something like "according to science fiction expert John Birch, this assimulation showed "the program's evil, Communist insanity."
- "This is a sharp contrast to the present day."--I like the ironic point you're making here, but the way it's worded seems to deviate from this being an article on ST:TNG. Maybe you could incorporate it more, something like "while the program portrayed the early 21st century as a time of greed, war, poverty and starvation, our leaders, being much more honourable...."
Sociological Changes due to the Consequences of Technological Advances
- "Instead of having to work...."--I like the irony in this sentence. It is a bit long, so you might want to make the modern day part a separate sentence with something like "In the 21st century, people have to work for almost their entire waking lives to...." and then followed by "The citizens of the 24th century...."
- "...TV bosses...."--sounds a bit casual for the encylopedic feel of the article, so maybe "television producers" or "television censors" or "television sponsors." "...from the programme...."--a picky point, but this article primarily uses American spelling and grammar, and "programme" is British.
- "sleve:
H having a decent authority figure to force it into the background (See Picard)."--how did Picard force it into the background? I'd either change this reference or justify it with more examples.
Casting Controversy
I kind of like the idea of Roddenberry objecting to a talented actor (even though in real life I don't agree). You might want to add "Shakespearian" to Stewart's description. "...Jean-Luc Picard who played the character Patrick Stewart."--was this reversal intentional? In any case, I'd make it Stewart playing Picard. Also I'd shorten the last sentence, maybe "As a compromise, it was agreed that the rest of the cast should be less talented at pretending to be someone else than any group of people who had ever graced the small screen in the past."
List of Characters
- I like Enterprise as a character--I remember it bothered me more in the movies when the original Enterprise was destroyed than when Spock died, even though Spock was my favorite character in Star Trek. "manoeuvring"--check spelling (British or American?). Also, this is a technicality, but in space I believe maneuvering is generally affected by mass more than size.
- "The ship's computer was another example...."--like this paragraph, and how you used modern day (Internet common) in describing a show made when the Internet was largely unknown. Also like the computer's response. I do wonder if, even though the computer is more-or-less part of the Enterprise, this doesn't deserve its own sub-section like Enterprise has.
- Jean-Luc Picard--again, a seeming contradiction. He was "the most unbelievable character" yet earlier the article said he was the most talented actor. Technically, these don't contradict each other, but they seem to, so I'd recommend making them consistent. As for the sexual aspects of his character, I get him being uncomfortable around children, but think the article needs a couple examples to show his sexual struggles."
- William T Riker--Riker perhaps wasn't as exciting as some people expected him to be. I don't find the "couldn't count to two" bit funny.
- Data: I found this a nice description of Data, but not very humorous. Also you and I know what "full functionality" refers to, but other readers might not--you might want to make the phrase a link to sex, penis, fuck, or some such. "...to cut him
of (off) too."
- Worf: Now we have a subjugated race, but this hasn't been discussed for a while (see comments in Concept). I like the fact Worf's head changed, but you might want to either give another cause for it or justify why Worf would want to be bigheaded--I know it talks about the forehead ridges, but you might want to say something like "head to emphasize his Klingon forehead ridges" so it's clear why. I like the constipation-prune juice bit, especially as Worf did relax more.
- Geordi LaForge: I basically like this description, although check spelling of "whingeing."
- Deanna Troi: "...disproportionate number of men to women."--I'd clarify this means more men than women. "...wildly ridiculous conclusion that an individual's emotional wellbeing...."--why ridiculous? Not many will get the reference to the female Data, but I think it works anyway. Not necessary to mention, but as she's a "counselor," does this have anything to do with her body-hugging uniform that seems tighter than anyone else's?
- Beverly "Bone" Crusher: like the name and the teen pregnancy bit (Gates McFadden would have been 23 when Wil Wheaton was born, but I don't actually know the relative ages of the characters). I know about "Bones" in the original Star Trek and how that relates to "Sawbones" used as a nickname for doctor, but you might want to make some reference to why she would be called "Bone" Crusher--ah, maybe not. (Again, Star Trek: The Next Generation in italics or quotes; either one would work if it's consistent).
- Wesley "Soul" Crusher: The Jar Jar Binks connection is a new one to me, but I like it.
- Tasha Yar--short but nice.
- Doctor...erm...erm...Polka?--I don't know if you know this, but when TV Guide did a special issue as ST:TNG was ending, they listed all the regulars, recurring characters, and even one who only appeared in one episode--but failed to mention Dr. Pulaski. They got a lot of flack for that.
Not really necessary to mention as he wasn't a regular, but I like Miles O'Brien.
Enemies of the Federation
- Ferengi--"...own political power(period or semicolon) they steal...." "which
quite unforgivably allows". "Communist" (capitalized). I like them maybe being related to Americans.
- The Borg: I'd like this better if it was more encylopedic, in tone with most of the rest of the article. I'd cut "fairer and more enlightened"--or perhaps quote some authority saying this.
- Romulans: This section didn't work for me.
Locations
- The Bridge: Well, maybe I'm not the only person who got the joke that Captain Kirk died on the "bridge." I rather like the "fire at will" reference.
- The Holodeck
- "The producers of the show felt...the writers would quickly run out of ideas."--like the irony.
- "Much to the delight of the viewers, the safety protocols never worked.'--yes.
- The Pub
- Rather like the explanation for the name "Ten Forward"--but where's Guinan? And my wanting a mention of Guinan has nothing to do with me being in love with Whoopi Goldberg. Nor does my wanting a mention of Q have anything to do with me wanting to be a member of the Q Continuum. You don't know how I could sign up, do you?
- Other Planets
- "teaching Wesley how to masturbate"--don't find this funny. I don't mind this section being short, but it could use a little more humour other than the Australia joke (which I'm not sure really fits).
My formatting comments are that I think it's fine as you have it, except for some things with the images (which I describe below).
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| Images:
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I think the number of images you have is good. While it doesn't bother me, you might want to know that some people here really don't like having a photo on the left and another on the right with text in between. We're just now getting some of them to accept having pictures on both the left and right (I guess they never grew up reading magazines, which do that all the time). Also on my screen some images such as the bridge one separate the last line from the rest of the paragraph.
Ones I particularly like are: Computers in the 24th century (mostly I really like the description), the plastic cast photo (again, largely with the clever description), Troi playing poker (ditto), Wesley and Jar Jar, A typical Ferengi male (largely for the description). I mistakenly read one as "Riker's profession has always been in question" and rather like my misreading--maybe hint that's he's a pimp? The rest I either liked or thought were OK, except I didn't care for the description of Geordi's visor, and of course the iguana pic only works if you keep the pet named ST:TNG bit, which I didn't care for. The Klingons and Uranus bit is rather corny but is rather classic, but you might want to move it somewhere so it's not the last images.
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