Yep, I wrote an article. I want an in-depth review, please. Section by section, the works. Thanks, guys! Le Cejak • <14:08, 13 Jun 2008>
- I know this is on VFH, but I'm going to do the review anyways. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 21/06 13:02
| Humour:
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8.4
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Alrighty. I have expectations for this piece, seeing who the author is and everything. On first look, it seems non-standard, but agagin, that's to be expected. Now, that's enough pre-startup babbling, onto...the review!
- top: -9- - A bloody good start. Immediately from this I can tell why it's on VFH - a very, very good parody of donations people. I especially like the last line, bringing a little more eccentricity into the piece, too. All in all, this is a very good start, and I hope the article lives up to it.
- there's some serious shit going down in Africa: -8- - Another strong section. A good follow-on sentence, and I actually laughed out loud at "I know you don't like hearing about this, but there's, like, 50 dying people in Africa right now ". The third "paragraph" feels a little weak, but other than that, a very good section.
- they'll lose their funding: -6- - This section feels a bit weak compared to the others. It doesn't feel as if it's pleading as hard as the others, and there's less actual parody there. I think this article is funnier when it's talking about what the person needs to donate for, rather than just telling the reader to donate, which (the latter) this section does lots of.
- the kids: -9- - However, the article rebounds really well with this section. You can just imagine the article looking at you with those big teary eyes here. Could use a little sorting/order fixing, however. Bonus points for the donate some children line, another one of what must be around twenty well-done jokes now.
- save 'em: -10- - Abso-fuckin-lutely brilliant. The best section in the article. Add more hyperbole here in your mind if you like, it deserves it. "Their entire natural ecosystem consists of an old man's backyard " - ha! "There's lots of people who just squeeze them for no reason other than to squeeze furry things " - double ha! I honestly couldn't improve this if you were going to pay me all your features, it's that good.
- they got sick: -9- - I am so happy you avoided the Get Some Sick reference. This, yet again, is a very very good section, despite it's short length. Everything goes together well, everything flows, and it has "It's like getting your soul stabbed every day ". Ouch. More fantastic work though.
- the orphans: -8- - Ah, the last bit of this review. Oddly, yes, I've done humour last (gah American Firefox spellcheck, dammit). This does tail off a bit, but it's still fairly strong. I feel a nice advertising-y slogan would work well at the end of this, but that's just me. Again, everything flows well.
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| Concept:
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9
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Fucking brilliant concept. I can see why it could be a little touchy, but overall it's one of the most original pardoies I've seen in a while. I didn't follow the links (I have no idea where some of them go) but kudos on not pipe-linking them. One thing I didn't get about the concept was the headers - why the lowercase?
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| Prose and formatting:
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9
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Almost perfect. Almost. The prose is perfect, for the one formatting issue I have, see Image. But hey, you're the great Cajek, king of all those light blue box things. You'd probably know you've done well here (And yes, that link is span trickery on my part).
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| Images:
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7
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I'm going to slot the audio in here. Fucking awesome work from RAHB (at least, I think it was RAHB). Onto the actual images. They're fine, and I know you're using repetition for effect here (and well, too), but I just cannot give more than a seven to something with this many images. On my laptop, there's two full pages of whitespace before the categories, and that annoys me. Still, funny as hell with the captions.
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| Miscellaneous:
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8.4
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n/a
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| Final Score:
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41.8
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I should probably get shot for liking this. But right now you could write an article about that particle of air flying about in the park and make it FA quality, so maybe I shouldn't be shocked. If only I had one-twentienth of your writing talent... Anyways, great job, and now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to vote  For. this on VFH.
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| Reviewer:
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―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 21/06 14:28
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For. this on VFH.