Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Sausage Festival

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Sausage Festival

~Formerly Annoying Crap 04:29, 1 June 2009 04:29, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

This article is under review by none other than..... Stairs. Let down your hopes, eh?

Humour:	5.5	We'll do the section by secton review for this article. Introduction - You do a good job introducing us. However, the very first sentence, with that Cathoclic Immacualte school thing, made me reread it a few times before I actually got what you said. My first suggestion is to not make that so complicated. Also, you have a good idea regarding how the sausage fest is realted in all of this, but it wasn't really funny. A good way to get someone interested in your article is pulling off a good joke. The introduction is still good, but I suggest that you add a joke in there. A Very Quick Overview - So, fo this section when I first saw it I went "I wonder what will be in here?". Than I read, it, and it appears to be brief summary of sausage, but at the same oddly sympathetic twoards them. I must say, this is a different appraoch, but I thought it was played and well executed. You could actually make someone think the fact that sausages aren't celebrated from their "greatness" is actually a very sad thing. Also, god way of making a case of Jesus having sausage at the last supper. Hpwever, in the last paragraph it gets sort of choopy, from the last supper to sausage willbe around for a long time. I think that you should make another reference of someone famous having sausage, except a bit more modern to sort of close the gap up between the bible times and years ahead of now. History of Our Lady's Festival - THis section is where things start to get a little skethcy. You spend a lot of time explaining how the idea odf sausage fest came about, but there was no actual references to sausage fests in this section. This disappointed me much, so I have a suggestion. You should remove some of the content regarding how the idea came around, maybe just condense it into a paragraph or two about hwo a couple of drunk guys liked sausage and wanted to support a school, and instead talk about the first sausage fest and maybe a couple other notable ones. What I mean by "Noteable" is the fact that those sausage fests had unique events happen at them, like one had a brush fire and nearly burned everything down or something. This would make the article more complete in that area. On the article's nomination many people said it wasn't finished yet, and they were right. This area definitely needs expansion on the ideas. However, it shouldn't be all that hard. Features - This secton has a really good idea going for it. However, I think some of the things on the list can removed or edited. If they sausage fest is for sausages, then why is the a farmers market offering fruits and vegetables? it says to go with your sausage, but everybody I know eats their sausages with a bun and mustard. You could make it a Farmers market that sells sausage exclussively, with several farmers who bring their best meat to the festival. I think you should scratch the extreme bingo altogether as well. The carnival rides are good, but you should ake it sausage oriented, like how the have those swinging pirate ship rides, you know? Except, instead of a "boat", have it be a sausage. Another path I am bringing up with this is remove the list completely and make it in prargrpah form. This will allow you to expand on all the attractions, and lake it easier to read. Also, it will probably make the article flow easier. Or something. Overall, you end this article very, very, abruptly. I'm not going to put a section for FAQ due to it's length. You need something to close off your article. The humour is there, just expand and close it off.
Concept:	6.5	You have a good idea here. You have a good idea for the history and why it was made. A couple of drunk guys were talking about sausage and decided they needed to sponser a school, so they made this festival. That is creative,but like I said above the eecution was lacking. You had laughs, but the ideas were all bunched together. You need to separate them and then, most importantly, expand on the main points. If you do this, your article won't be "incomplete" any more. Also, your ending is very abrupt, I suggest you come up with some sort of ending, such as a conclusion of ending of the fests. Also, a big error I noticed was the fact that in the Overview section you said that the sausage festival's aim was to pay respect to sausages, but then you said it was to raise money for a school. You're going to have to go with only one of these concepts, and I suggest the one where they pay respect. For its creation you could have the druk men say how they love sausage and how no one any pays any attention or respect to it, so they created the saausage fest to do so. Over all, you have a couple minor and a major concept problem(s). You need to fix these up, and if you do so your article will be fantastic.
Prose and formatting:	7	I noticed very few problems when it came to spelling and grammar, so I appluad you for that. Howver, there were several other problems. The problem that caught my attention the mos twas the fact that you had too many images. You have to get rid of at least three of those to make the article look balanced. I will further explain this in the image section. Also, the list you made made my eyes sore. It's ok if you hae a few items on the list with decent sized paragrahs next to them (See above), but if you have to many things with on line of support, it just gets hard to look at. That is why I recommend making the list into paragraph form, not only will it make it easier to look at, but it will also make it easier read through smoothly. Also, you should probably remove the FAQ section alltogether because of how short it is You will have to do that, or add content. I suggest that you remove it copletely, because an FAQ is sort of uneceaassary for an article.
Images:	4	Whoa there! The images need to be fixed immediately! Let's count how many you have... one... two... three.... four.... what comes after four? Oh, ya! Five... and six. THat is a lot of images, even for a long article. You must remove some as soon as you can. I suggest the bottom three on the right, they are lame and do not contribute very well. Then, you must space out the pictures you have left over. It is very important that you do this. I suggest you make it the first thing you do when you start working on this article. Once you get rid of three or four, you should be fine. The three images you would have left over if you yeild to my suggestion, actually, command, are decent, not much more than that. They get the job done, but don't supply an real laughs or smirks. You could add funny captions to them, because funny articles may not be good without funny pictures to go with them.
Miscellaneous:	5.8	See Below.
Final Score:	28.8	Here are the main things you have to do with your article to get if to , what I expect, is VFH standards: Expand on the good ideas. -You article definitely isn't finished. You have to get the ideas and expand on them for this article to be finished. Dear god get rid of some pictures - I can't emphasize how cruaal this is. For me, it sorta spoiled the article. Make a conclusion - You article ended quickly and abruptly, so you have to do soemthing about that. Pick a definite concept - This sort of goes with the first one, but make sure to choose respecting the sausage or the funding of a school. Just fix these four problems, and you'll have a good article. Good luck with it!
Reviewer:	Staircase CUNt 18:28, 1 June 2009 (UTC)