Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Roberto Duran

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Roberto Duran

Funnybony 17:17, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	2	Hey, Funnybony, welcome to Uncyclopedia. Well, your article has some major flaws, which is understandable, as you're a enw users. Here are a few things that stick out to me: first, you've picked a very difficult article to write about. I'll get into that in the concept section, but the bottom line is that people who don't pay attention to wrestling won't laugh at this article. Second, towards the middle and end you drop in random celebrities and people, which makes your article seem very weird. Just as a tip: Chuck Norris is an old, old, old meme that we never use anymore, and seeing his name, 9 times out of 10, brings your article down. Paris Hilton wrestling makes no sense as well, and Bruce Lee died in the mid-70s, so I think you should get rid of those 3 and replace them with professional. Finally, I don't think you made that many punchlines towards the end, you just dropped in random dates and numbers. As a tip, you'll want to mix in the facts and the humor- as HTBFANJS will tell you, just saying the exact opposite of reality isn't funny. Make sure you're satrical and factual at the same time.
Concept:	3	As stated above, writing an article about a specific person is a very difficult thing to do, because people who don't watch wrestling have probably only heard of this guy in passing reference, and the jokes will go over their head. Take a look at Peyton Manning- notice how the article explains who he is, and makes us laugh at the same time? That's the kind of forumula you need to make this article succeed- give us a good idea of his achievments, what he does, and how well known he is, and make a foruma of satire and parody behind that. An idea for execution would be to write this in the style of the aforementioned article- sound like a fanboy who hates Robero Duran, gradually explaining away his achievments while making your narrator sound like an idiot. Keep an open mind on this one- well known people have a lot of directions that you can take the concept in.
Prose and formatting:	3	A lot of the problems common in people articles. You've got a bunch of spread out sections towards the end, which make your article tedious to read, because without an image to compliment them, those last few sections are much too small. I'd recommend you do two things here: take 3 or 4 of your sections and merge them into one large one, and add an image on the right side of it- images always make an article look better, and you haven't really placed them in the right spot here. Also, you have a "facts" section, which is something you should always avoid- lsits, by nature, are redundant, tedious to read, and are an eyesore. Take what you know about Roberto Duran, get rid of that list, and make a paragraph which the title "exploits" or something similair to that fashion.
Images:	3.5	Your first image, sorry to say, is a very bad MS paint job. I'd recommend that you get a standard image of him, possibly the opening one from the Wikipedia article, to start off your article. Your second image is just random- I really don't have any idea what a rock has to do with this guy, so if you're talking about his dad, just put a picture of him there. Articles like this one typically use image as "filler" to illustrate their subject. Make sure your images are evenly spaced, though- put some in both the beginning and end of the article.
Miscellaneous:	3	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	14.5	Here's the plain truth: your article is not funny. Here's the other truth: your article can be funny. To recap what i've said above, explain away the person you're writing about while you write, as to not leave people clueless. Avoid celebrity namedropping and repetitive lists, as well as sections that have little to no content. I urge you to keep working on this- it will take a lot of work, but if you develop it, explain it, and above all, take your time on it- it could become an excellent article. Bottom Line: Work on this, explain your character, avoid lists and numbers. Good luck!=)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 22:12, 17 June 2009 (UTC)