Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Prima donna
Prima donna[edit source]
This one is quite encyclopedic. Too factual? Not funny enough? Too short? Just right? Advice welcome. ~ T. (talk) 10:54, July 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Sure. Please don't be insulted if it takes me max two days. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)
15:34, July 26, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7.5 | So first off, sorry I'm getting this to you so late. Life, you know? Anyways, let's begin.
The one thing I'm seeing in your humour is that it takes a while to get to your jokes and that you're just drawing out the sentences to fill space, like here, "Madonna released Like A Virgin in 1984. Commercial fishing operations saw record shortages of fishnet material as millions of wannabes strived to look more like their idol. Meanwhile, cows by the millions were converted into Happy Meals, with the leftover bits tanned and sliced into "Burn Troy" belts. At the Vatican, senior clergy within the Catholic Church wondered how to tactfully explain to the public that acting "like a virgin" doesn't entail the ability to cross both ankles behind your neck." Although you relate all the sentences of a specific point about girls dressing like Madonna, it does take a while and feels random when first reading it. A better style or approach to writing out the different aspects of the Madonna phase would make your article are lot more funny. Aslo, in this section, "The foreshadowing of change to come occurred in 1982 when a certain future pop-music star signed a deal with Sire Records, and the universe responded by creating Syzygy, and all 9 planets aligned on the same side of the Sun. Soon after, The Equal Rights Amendment failed to garner the necessary support of the 38 US states it needed. The Religious Right celebrated, blissfully unaware that the end was near anyway." Those last two sentences, while having some relevance to the article, are a little too random. My suggestion would be to either delete them or write out the section in a better way that ties them to the article in a better manner. For example, you did a really good job with this section, "Later, after experiencing a traumatic lapse in public attention of nearly 36 hours, she "accidentally" mailed a number of black and white nude photos to Penthouse magazine. The stress of this mistake was such that she accidentally copied and mailed a second set to Playboy." The use of irony is clearly obvious and is making fun of something that happened in a good manner, especially with the 36 hour irony joke. I would however, suggest not using the " " in accidentally as that sort of ruins the irony behind the joke. I would also have expanded that last section to include something like, "mailed a second set to Playboy, as well as a confirmation letter asking for a confirmation of the arrival of said photographs. Madonna's stress was obvious as she rarely ever wants to confirm whether or not her letters arrive." Or something else. My last suggestion is to use footnotes for the notes you have in parenthesis. They're short enough to do so and look like they'd be better off as footnotes rather than as something you've inserted in there. Aside from that, I feel like your humour is good enough in that it stays on topic most, if not all of the time and uses a good portion of jokes here and their. Albeit this is not my style of humour, I feel like it is the type of article that most uncyclopedians look for as a worthy read. |
| Concept: | 7.5 | It is an interesting concept, not new, but a little fresh and unique, especially through your manner of approaching it. However, it is a little one sided in regards to just talking about people whoring themselves. Than again, I feel like there are many different ways you could approach this article. You took a good route, although I feel like you could have inserted some more into the article like the recently growing stereotype of the "powerful black woman" or even talk about Brittany Spears or about some more celebrities instead of just Madonna and Paula Abdula. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | Yea, didn't notice any spelling errors or grammar problems, so cudos to you there.
Format wise, the only thing I can see wrong is that timeline of Prima Donna. Maybe place it first in the article? Or something, it seems a little out f place, but it is not that big of a deal. |
| Images: | 8.5 | So your use of images is pretty good here. It seems like they are placed perfectly and there is just the right amount of them. One thing I had a little issue with was the caption in that first picture, "Sex icon or street person? Flip a coin." I'm not sure, but to me, this seemed a little weak. I have a feeling that may just be me and since I can't really think of anything better to insert, I'll leave the decision of acting on it up to you. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | So this article feels like it could be worth nominating on VFH. It's not my type of humour, but I think that it would fit the style of most of the users here. Sleep on it, work it a little bit and see if it's good enough for VFH. |
| Final Score: | 40.5 | Any questions, comments, etc. can be left on my talkpage. That's right, I give you permission to visit my talkpage, but not for too long or else I'll set the dogs on you. Not really, haha, they're more like cougars than dogs. Anyways, hope you're in shape, cheers. |
| Reviewer: | --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  12:17, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
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