Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Papyrus Containing The Spell To Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks From He Who Is In The Water (quick)

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Papyrus Containing The Spell To Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks From He Who Is In The Water [edit source]

I just want to know if it has potential to grow and become a full article. Right now, Im stuck with the article. please suggest additions and expansions when you review it .

SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 00:19, 28 March 2009 (UTC)

Hey, isn't that (quick) thingy supposed to get me a quick review? 

SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 14:54, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 7 The article isn't hysterical, but it is pretty funny. The mom jokes get pretty old pretty quickly, so you may want to find some more original content. The first section is the best one. Things are funnier when they are closer to the truth.
Concept: 9 Things with ridiculously long names have been done before, but I did get quite a good chuckle at the title alone. This is a good premise, and it definitely has the potential to develop into a great article, with some work.
Prose and formatting: 6 Here is where your article really starts to suffer. You have several spelling and punctuation errors that I noticed in one quick read. That needs to be fixed.
Images: 6 You have only one image, and that image is kind of mediocre. Try putting in something more imaginative than a blank piece of paper. And don't say potatochop when you are talking about image editing--it isn't that funny, and people who aren't Uncyclopedia insiders won't even understand it.
Miscellaneous: 6 Needs expansion before it can be called a really good article. Things get kind of random, your article needs to stay a bit more grounded, instead of jumping all over the place.
Final Score: 34 I recommend you scrap the last section, and instead write something about how the papyrus was lost or destroyed or something. And maybe some sections on the various people who came to possess it over the centuries, like in the Lord of the Rings.
Reviewer:  Aethix ~ Talk|Contributions|My project Kirbywave2.gif
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