Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/No Way Out
No Way Out[edit source]
I didn't think the massive audience that likes both Sartre and wrestling was being exploited, so I figured I'd pitch in.
| Humour: | 4 | Started well, but floundered a bit, I felt. I liked the "Hell in a cell is other people" bit, and you're right that wrestling could use more Sartre, but then it started to feel almost factual as it went on, and lost its way (for me). |
| Concept: | 7 | I like the concept, but think that either it needs more work, or possibly a different direction. See comments at the end. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Well written enough, just a couple of bits and bobs, nothing a quick proofread wouldn't pick up. |
| Images: | 4 | Only one, although it is at least appropriate. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4 | It's inconsistent. You start by saying the match was invented by Sartre, but a couple of paragraphs later it's invented by God. And as mentioned before, actual jokes get a bit thin on the ground quite quickly. |
| Final Score: | 26 | Don't give up on it by any means, I think it could be made to work, and be one of the few genuinely worthwhile wrestling articles. But it does need work. |
| Reviewer: | --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:25, 14 September 2007 (UTC) | |
Right, a couple of ideas: you could make the match somewhat philosophical, mixing violence with reasoned discussion: "Flair launched a passionate attempt to prove that truth was beauty, and beauty truth, concluding that Victoria was therefore a blatant liar. Christian pointed out that "Consciousness is consciousness of itself insofar as it is consciousness of a transcendent object", then dropkicked him. OK, I've mixed my philosophical arguments there, but you get the idea.
You could have God as the special guest referee, if you want to involve him, and one of the wrestlers could be disqualified for trying to prove he doesn't exist?
Or maybe remove wrestlers, and have the match between philosophers? Something that removes the article from being a straight description of a wrestling match after the promising opening? Have fun, go for it, and keep me posted, I'll happily have another look if you put some serious spadework in.
Hope this helps. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:25, 14 September 2007 (UTC)