Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lord Jabu-Jabu

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Lord Jabu-Jabu

Rotating-Fortress 20:55, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

Humour:	3.5	I think I'll break this down by section. Everything before the article starts: 2. The template is slightly amusing, but unnecessary. The YouTube video is completely pointless; it isn't very funny, and anyone who knows who Lord Jabu-Jabu is will already know how you get inside him. (Anyone who doesn't know who Lord Jabu-Jabu is will probably not read this article). The quotes really aren't funny. The Fat Bastard quote really only worked because it was a fat guy talking to a midget. The Princess Ruto quotes should go away. The carp/crap dyslexia was slightly amusing, but not great. The lede: 5. The idea that a people would worship something as a god despite the fact that it does absolutely nothing is funny, but it's not fully exploited here. The Japanese lack of naming creativity is kind of funny, but again, the joke isn't quite told as well as it could be. Early Life: 5. My biggest problem with this section is that it immediately contradicts itself: Jabu-Jabu was born in Zora's fountain, and Jabu-Jabu was brought home from the county fair in a plastic baggy. And if Jabu-Jabu was once in a plastic baggy, shouldn't there be a joke like "they kept feeding him even though he wouldn't stop growing and was soon eating half their livestock," etc.? The continuation of the joke that he's a god who doesn't do anything is good, though. The section should probably introduce Gandondorf without assuming that everyone already knows who he is. Sentences should very rarely start with the word "Now", and it definitely shouldn't happen twice in one paragraph. Mid-Life Crisis: 3 What?? I've played Ocarina of Time all the way through twice, and I don't get any of these jokes. The joke that Link was "taking a nap" for the seven years of Gandondorf's reign is kind of funny, because it's true that the game never exactly explains where Link's body goes to mature from age ~10 to age ~17. But the idea that Jabu-Jabu grew wings and flew away (to... Zelda 1, where he met the old man??) is just too random to be funny. 50-Year Coma: 3 None of this is a parody of a real game - it's just random words. There's nothing about fighting your way through Jabu-Jabu's dream in Ocarina of Time or Oracle of Ages, so the idea isn't making fun of anything, and it isn't funny on its own. Also, there are two totally different lists of Jabu-Jabu's nightmares: "annoying racoons, addictive forest mushrooms, yoshi doll arcade games, evil shopkeepers, a lazy walrus, and an attractive red head" and "Ganondorf, and bad sushi respectivly." The first list is long and unfunny, and there's no reason for the section to immediately contradict itself. Marin really shouldn't be in this section: she doesn't appear in either Ocarina of Time or Oracle of Ages, and I don't think it's safe to assume that most people who have played those games have also played "Link's Awakening." Also, there are five sentences in this section that start with "Now" - and two of them contain "now" like five words later! All that needs to be rewritten. Later Years: 3 This section starts by repeating the joke about Jabu-Jabu ending up with the Old Man and some zombies - a joke I didn't get in the first place (if there was anything to get), and which certainly doesn't bear repeating. Gandondorf has nuclear weapons? There are Cheetos in Hyrule? This article needs to be set in a universe: either it needs to be set in the real-world universe, or it needs to be set in the Hyrule universe. But trying to set it in a weird combination of both is going to doom it to failure.
Concept:	3	I can think of two ways this article could really work. The first would be to set it in the Hyrule universe, and in doing so, make fun of how truly ludicrous the Hyrule universe is. The stuff about Link's weird seven-year nap and the stuff about how Lord Jabu-Jabu is worshiped as a god despite doing nothing were on the right track, but nothing else sticks to that concept. The second way the article could work is to set it in the real world, which could lead to some amusing contradictions considering how utterly impossible any of this is. But the concept "Let's pretend that Lord Jabu-Jabu grew wings and abandoned the Hylians" isn't funny because it never happened in the Zelda series (at least, I'm pretty sure it never happened), so it isn't satirizing anything. It's just random. It's like writing about the time Scooby-Doo took saxaphone lessons.
Prose and formatting:	2	The formatting of this article is pretty bad. When you navigate to the page, all you see is a template and a Youtube video. So you scroll down expecting an article... and, no, you get quotes. And a picture. And then the article begins - with an unnecessarily large template, centered pictures that create tons of whitespace, and finally a pointless counter. This article needs a redesign. The prose is also littered with mistakes. Here's just one example: "During Ganondorf's seven year rule of terror, the hero was taking a nap at this time, the Zoras were attacked and all were killed except their, um, large, king, a shopkeeper who sells over-priced fish, and an attractive princess who unfortuantly promised herself to some guy who's never coming back for her, Lord Jabu-Jabu disappears from Zora's Fountain, and is not seen or mentioned by the Zoras again." That's a really ugly run-on sentence, not to mention that "unfortunately" is misspelled. Running this through a spell-checker would be a good start. It also flips between present and past tense. The whole article is just screaming for an extensive proofreading.
Images:	4	We really don't need four similar pictures of Jabu-Jabu, especially since the captions don't make any jokes that the article body isn't already making. I don't think Marin belongs in the article at all, and I honestly don't know what "Scene_14.jpg" is supposed to be. Also, as I mentioned before, pictures should supplement the text, not interrupt it. It's rarely a good idea to center them, because then you're saying "Hey! Stop reading the article and look at this picture." Unless the picture itself is hilarious, that won't work.
Miscellaneous:	3.5	Averaged, and rounded up a bit
Final Score:	16	This needs to be almost completely rewritten. The lede, and "Early Life," should be kept and improved, but everything else should be erased and started over on. This needs to be an article that pokes fun at the Zelda series and at the ludicrousness of having a big pointless fish in the game. Making up random Jabu-Jabu facts won't work.
Reviewer:	Hyperbole 22:20, 5 June 2008 (UTC)