Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lara Croft

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Lara Croft

I've previously done a bit on this article that wasn't deleted. When I saw it's dire need for correction, I took the liberty unto myself. I tried to make it somewhat intelligent, with subtle humor. I've also edited the JK Rowling Page and Prince of Persia Page that tie in here; if the article is a success, I hope to make a similar one for Prince of Persia (the Prince). Worried focus is too great on opium. I read HTBFNJS page, and comments greatly appreciated!

99.240.53.250 04:54, 23 March 2008 (UTC)

Humour:	5	It's not the best humour in the world, certainly, but there is some good stuff in there, and it's much, much better than what was there before, definitely. I especially like the bit "Fame and Fortune", though I'm not sure why. One main thing is make sure you don't go overboard explaining your jokes (like you do a lot here, it's especially noticeable at the very end), as it tends to ruin the joke that you explained. You keep the flow very well here and it helps create more humour, as you stick to one solid topic and avoid randomness.
Concept:	6	It's at least decent, definitely. It's much better than the fanboy version that was there beforehand in concept (and everything else, to be fair). To improve it and help fulfill the promise of the concept, you need to expand this somewhat, adding a couple of headers in the middle and towards the end to give the article the length it deserves. You have done a good job so far though, I'll give you that.
Prose and formatting:	8	This is written, spelling and grammar wise, very well, much better than I was expecting. The prose is nice and flowing, movies and games and the like are italicised nicely and the first mention of the subject is emboldened. The only thing I can really go against the prose on right now is that it is a bit shorter than most good articles here. The formatting, too, is good, except for that massive big rewrite tag at the top: headings are done well, images are in the right place, correct categories done et cetera. Good job on this bit, I have to say.
Images:	5	The images are OK, in that they are to do with the article and do have some good, informative, maybe even slightly funny captions. However, the images themselves have two major knocks on them. One is that they aren't really all that funny, and two is that they seem rather "samey". Try to mix it up a bit by putting other related images in rather than just several portarits of the video game character herself.
Miscellaneous:	6	n/a
Final Score:	30	You've already rewritten this to a much higher standard than the article before it was. Now you just need to fill out, expand, go that extra mile to make this into a truly great article.
Reviewer:	–—Hv (talk) 23/03 13:24