Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Defend your Home (3)

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HowTo:Defend your Home

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/HowTo:Defend_your_Home Ragnarok 14:38, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

Mine. 24 hours or it's cancelled... --Some Idiot 07:26, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	7	Ah, yes. The old horror zombie movie cliche. Your article portrays this quite well. The main humor in your article is the wackiness of the fact that they are making a guide on how to do such a thing. But I was thinking you could add some more stuff, of different humor, like the captions you have on your pictures. Like, when you're talking about locking yourself up in the basement, mention something about how badly the guys from 'War of the Worlds' did it and to learn from their mistakes. Looking at movies like this would be really effective, and is it gives some extra funny one liners, besides the humor in the concept itself. Your entire article is rather good on the subject of humor, but here I'll also add some comments for each section, so you can improve the little things. Here we go… Introduction: Very catchy. I don't like the links on the words 'YOU' in the first few sentences. Delete them. Also, a problem with this introduction is that it doesn't really tell us this is a guide to defending your home. I suppose everyone will know anyway, because of the title, but when you write your introduction you've got to pretend that they don't know what the article is actually about. Step 1: This is good, but I think you could still tell us about how each defensive act will make a difference when the zombies come. Any you know how they always seem to mash their hands through the boarded up windows and stuff? Maybe you could play on that. Hand traps? I also think you should maybe call this ‘Barricading the House’. If you do this then you could fit more into this subject, not just boarding up entrances. ‘Home Alone’ styled traps? You could easily build o this subject and make this longer. Step 2: This is good, but I was wondering - wouldn't hiding in the basement make it easier for anyone to get inside, seeming there is no one to defend it? Think of strategies that could get you around this fact. Keep that annoying yapping dog of your neighbours in your living room? Build a defence robot? Invent some wacky ways. Step 3: Perfect. However, you may need to join this section onto step 2 as it is really just part of that section. Step 4: I really like this part. Is that all you could fit in? Maybe you could add a final conclusion or something, or at least build more on the sections you've already got. The thing is, this article is rather short and needs to be expanded. Now, it's ok, as a lot of HowTo article are stubs, but a longer article is always better then a little one.
Concept:	8	This is a really good concept, but I still think you have space to build on it in the ways I have mentioned above.
Prose and formatting:	7	You kept a constant style of prose throughout. Your spelling and grammar was not bad and your article looks ok (although in step 3 it should be “your shotgun”). However, there are a few points I may make here. Links. They can be really effective if used properly. One thing you should do is make a link actually go to another place. Say, when you have the world 'Grandma' linked ([[Grandma]]) then you could do this [[Devil|Grandma]] and it would link it to the page 'Devil'. E.g. normal would be Grandma and the other version would be Grandma. Your Jew picture should be enlarged. All your pictures are stacked up at the top. Move some of the them down, spread them out. It will make it feel less cramped and ultimately give it a much more appealing look.
Images:	7	Your images are pretty good. I still think you should add another, maybe from a movie, with people or zombies actually attacking the house. Or detailed diagrams on how to properly nail wooden boards over a window. If you need photoshopped images, I always recommend here where some great photoshoppers could attend to your needs.
Miscellaneous:	7.25	Averaged your scores.
Final Score:	36.25	This is a great concept and your basic content is actually pretty good. But if you build it and fix it up in the ways I have mentioned, it could definitely be a high quality article. I hope to see you writing more great stuff soon, and I hope that helped!
Reviewer:	--Some Idiot 11:47, August 11, 2010 (UTC)