Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Become the king of pop
HowTo:Become the king of pop[edit source]
I can't tell of this is as far as I can push this boat out while still keeping it quality, or if there is more that I should do to it to bring it up to FA standard. As it is, I'd appreciate someone giving it a review with lots of feedback if it needs work. (Yeah, proofreading is on my list of things to do). Pup 01:36 20 Feb '11
- Got it. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)
15:23, February 20, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5.5 | There is some good use of humour in the beginning of this article. For one, you are creating an ironic sort of feeling by outlining the things that are usually attributed to Michael Jackson. I especially like the face mask instruction part, very creative thinking and nicely done. THe beginning section is ok in humour, it just needs some work in the grammar department, which I outline in the prose and formatting section. Aside form that, you are very forward about what the article is about and how you intend on going about it. Good job.
Overall, however, where's the humour here? The main parts of humour are in the hair and clothes section, and those parts are short. If I were you, I would add a further section to expand on the humour, maybe talk about forming a posse, or even discuss the possible names for when you become a pop superstar. Even talk about your competition and how to compete aginst their looks, like what's-his-name... Justin Bieber, that's it. That should be a lengthy enough section. Aside from that, your jokes that poke fun at Michael Jackson are pretty obvious, so you are alright there. For the last section, maybe you could expand it by talking about what not to do after becoming a pop superstar, like building a theme park and inviting little kids to sleep with you or bleach yourself, something like that. It just feels that you ended the article as soon as you began making funny jokes, but that could just be me, who knows. That's pretty much the humour section. Not much to talk about since the face mask pretty much takes most of the space in the article. Hope my suggestion have made sense, I'm not sure if they have. My mind has been off today... Aside from that, it seems like a downright ok HowTo article. |
| Concept: | 6 | So the concept is obviously about looking like Michael Jackson, which is pretty interesting. You pretty much make the article circle around him though, which isn't bad, but you pretty much only talk about the clothes and hair, need to expand this idea. Overall, the concept is fine. I was going to suggest using other pop stars in your article to show how not to become the king of pop, but it seems you're taking an 'only Michael Jackson,' approach, so I'll leave that idea alone. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | Lots of redundancies in here, such as, "most people fail upon the road to being a pop superstar, simply because they fail to realise that stardom does not rely on any talent." You don't need 'fail' twice here, kind of ruins the humour. Look out for those
Also, you have lots of spelling errors and grammar misuses, such as, "what better way to become a household name than to becoming pop royalty." Should be 'to become,' not becoming. Also, look for uses for commas, period, etc. If you use a conjunction like but, or however, you need to have a punctuation mark before it, except in some cases, but those cases aren't in here. There's too many for me to outline, but you want to fix that to make your sentences flow better. Formatting is fine. Just re-read the article and look out for grammar errors, that's the main issue here, but you already said that you knew, so I'm sure you'll be fine. |
| Images: | 6.5 | Good use of images. They are all appropriate within your idea for the concept, except for the first one. It might be better to use a picture of Michael Jackson peforming before be bleached himself, because it looks like he did in the first when in the other two pictures, it's before he turned white. Just seems like an overlapping issue.
The captions are also appropriate, albeit they lack that oomph of humour. For the second picture, for example, you have, "The mask and wig combination - you look like a star already." Maybe add another line like, "Note: Twinkling eyes and a dynamite smile are optional, but strongly suggested," or something like that. I'm not saying the captions are not funny, there's just this feeling that there's not much humour in them, but that could just be me. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | My overall feeling for this article, or something. |
| Final Score: | 29.5 | So, just look over what I've said. If you have any question, just leave a message on my talk page. Hope my critiques help to improve the article, but hey, this got featured already, so what do I know? |
| Reviewer: | --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  03:18, February 21, 2011 (UTC)
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