Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Far From Awesome Land
Far From Awesome Land[edit source]
Originally meant as a "replacement" for Not So Awesome Land, but I decided against it and submitted this independantly.
- Be warned, I mark harsh. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent
07:46, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
MeatLoafFan 01:22, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5.75 | Intro - 5.5 - Pretty average for an article about a country, very hard to do a funny article about a country as it usually runs on ideas that only people within the country know. You don't have this problem as this place does not actually exist, except you don't really push that fact. An reader would just skip over the article because of its rather average opening, try to reinforce whatever Far From Awesome Land is.
History - 6 - Adequate, the humour was rather random with references to well completely unrelated things. Not too many laughs here though it was rather good. Independence & the Calm before the Storm - 6 - More random humor, not to many laughs. You really need a strong concept to hold it up. World Domination - 5 - Wow. The article devolves further into random humour, you really need a strong concept to hold it up. As it stands it is a little laugh here and there but in other parts it is just a sigh. Try not to use Then .And then .Then in sentences, break them up. A short funny sentence is better than a long rambling paragraph. The antarctica part was cute. Aftermath - 4.5 - There is very little about Far From Awesome Land, just a story about the world being taken over in the future. We want to hear about the history of the country, try to keep the article on track. Government and Politics - 5 - More random humour. It becomes clear you need a strong concept (see below) NEVER EVER put in Simpsons characters or other tired cliches, they drag down the article. Law - 5.5 - Whatever Lord Babin says is law. If you disagree with it, he'll break your bones. No, by that we don't mean that you'll have the honour of having your bones broken by Lord Babin, we mean he'll get someone from the Secret Police to do it, probably your cousin. - That quote stands out as the funniest so far but then the rest of the section falls back to random quotes. Foreign Relations, Military & Secret Police - 4.5 - Break up your sentences, as you see, too many commas in a sentence, like this, make it very, very annoying to read. Your Mom is something to be avoided in an article. There is very little about Far From Awesome Land. Divisions, Geography and Climate - 3.5 - Not one laugh, just sighs. The reader is by now tired of the randomness. Economy - 5 - Rather like other parts of the article. Realistic = Funny, Random Memes and Dates do not. Demographics - 6 - This part was rather nondescript; fake countries are rarely funny, the last paragraph was good though. Culture - 5.5 - Parts of this are rather enjoyable while others were random and broke off into completely unrelated areas. International rankings - 7 - Best part of the articles by far. Despite being a list I had alot of laughs. You have put a lot of effort into this but is is lacking an overall concept, it is more just whatever I can think about Far From Awesome Land but after reading that I didn't actually learn very much about Far From Awesome Land. Remember short and to the funny is better than long & rambling. I suggest cutting out what you think isn't funny or related the the topic of the article. Avoid cliches and references to random famous people. Still it had its moments. Read HTBFANJS to get some ideas. |
| Concept: | 5 | Yes this was an area that was lacking. I searched but I couldn't find a real concept. From what I read you just made up your own country and ran with that. Why is Far From Awesome Land far from Awesome? After reading I feel that a tirade about how crappy the country is would not be the right way to go, but maybe an article where the narrator says how crappy the country is while making it sound so awesome like...
There is chocolate everywhere in Awesome land, always the chocolate, why the hell can't we have ice cream or doughnuts... I know its crap but you can see where I'm going with this, you really need to go deeper than just random rambling. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Spelling and formatting was adequate, try to break up long sentences though. Remember to check spelling. |
| Images: | 5 | Images were adequate but had very little to do with the article itself, try to look for more relevant images. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.4 | Aved |
| Final Score: | 27.15 | Yeah. The article had its moments but sadly was just to long and rambling. Break up the paragraphs, remove the stuff which isn't funny and doesn't add to the humour/concept you have chosen. Also try to reconstruct the article around a stronger concept rather than just random humour. Still you have a rather entertaining article and a good platform to build on. Read HTBFANJS and keep writing! |
| Reviewer: | --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent      07:46, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
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