I'm not sure if this is allowed, but nobody reviewed this and it fell off the list. A review would be appreciated very much.
WhySoSerious 20:48, 28 August 2008 (UTC)
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This article is under review by
<font-weight:bold>Gerry Cheevers.
Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
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| Humour:
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5.5
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*intro: 3
whoa. lots of hate getting strewn around here. first, let's deal with the quotes. you generally shouldn't have more than one on a page. oscar wilde quotes are so far overdone that you should probably drop that one. the other two are irrelevant enough to also be dropped altogether. as for the rest of the intro, it seems that you may dislike this television show. see what i did in that last sentence is 'massively understate' something. try it with this article. for example, instead of saying that it is the worst show ever made, say that it received higher ratings than shows including a test signal and professional bowling. if you're going to write an article about something you hate, you need to have a more clever way of going about it than just saying ;it really sucks'. after reading the intro i expect more of the same in the rest of the article, and were this not a review i probably wouldn't read it. you need to capture the reader's attention in the intro, pull them in and make them want to keep reading.
wow. this section is much better. you bring up several good points, and the hate has subsided. i really like the contrasts you highlight (hi-tech stuff vs. not being able to do 4th grade math). this gives me some ideas for a concept. the line "like being forced to wear clothes or go outside" was really good. actually, i really like almost everything in this section, and the issues i have with it are more things for later (concept etc.)
well, this section was okay, but i had a problem with a lot of it. if you're looking to point out the absurdity of the show, then it's good, but there were a few lines, like "Henry, is that you?", that seemed out of place. also, throwing a ^_^ in there really doesn't help much, as it's supposed to be a transcript of an episode. rather than having billy be rebellious and swear at his grandma, maybe he could be submissive and nearly eat the broccoli before being saved.
well, this section is listy, and really doesn't add much to the article. also, for those people who haven't seen the show, a lot of the references will be lost. i suggest turning this section into paragraph format, and describing fewer characters in more detail.
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| Concept:
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4
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4/5 points for a subject worthy of parody, not well-known by any means, but quickly found on wikipedia.
0/5 points for execution. you have no theme or direction. you just hate on the show a lot. come up with a clever way to point out how bad the show is. take the approach of sarcastically praising the show. better yet, run with the 'universe' section and turn it into a narrative pointing out the obvious shortcomings and plotholes, as if they weren't painfully obvious. i think it would be really funny for the narrator to get really angry that the kids can't do their homework even though they can build sonar and such.
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| Prose and formatting:
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5
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you have a list, some bad grammar/spelling (i'll give you a proofread), and a long transcript. i don't see how much you could change the transcript to improve the formatting other than to add an image or two to the right side of it. i also think you could extend the article with more sections, for example one on the treehouse which you say so much about.
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| Images:
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0
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no images. how about some screenshots? characters? broccoli?
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| Miscellaneous:
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3.7
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a'v'g'd
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| Final Score:
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18.2
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my preview button tells me that your score is 18.2. i would say that you need to rewrite this with a better concept/theme. if you had a better direction, you could turn this into something really funny. throw some images on there and try to add some content. but again, your focus should be on taking out the hate and putting in some sort of underlying theme that will bring the article together. if you need anything else, don't hesitate to find me on my talk page. good luck!
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| Reviewer:
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SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:07, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
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