I couldn't find the old huffed version of this article and I wanted to write about it so I did. However my article it could be massively improved by people funnier than me and in my opinion its jokes need more punch. It feels a bit too much like I'm simply complaining about the series and I'm wondering if I handled the ending section poorly. Anyway I appreciate any help you can give. Also the link at the top gives the wrong article. This is it: http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Berserk_(anime)
Absurdism 02:36, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
| Humour:
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6
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You're right about sounding like you're just complaining. And yes, when I looked at it I actually thought this article is in still construction, as it ended so suddenly. The ending to me is a really big problem, and if you only change one thing, make it the ending. The thing is I don't know much about Berserk other than it's a horror/fantasy anime/manga, I and felt like reviewing somebody. But I feel that good articles should not only tell (or suggest) to the reader what they are dealing with, but also make jokes that an outsider would understand. I have a pretty good knowledge on how animes and mangas go, just not this one, but I think they're pretty formulaic anyhow. Some advice:
- Tone down the sarcasm, play the "straight man". As far as I can see, every sentence in there is sarcastic in some way. To cut down on the complaining, this is one of the things you can do. Insert some sentences that are "serious-sounding", and this is also a good chance to explain stuff that you feel the casual reader wont understand. Don't overdo it, though.
- Explanations and/or examples. "He has a piece of jewelry called a Deus Ex Machina that makes him predestined to rule the world." - This is an example of an inside reference that a casual reader wont get. It just suggests some badly written plot device occurred. In Wikipedia they always say "don't just say how notable you subject is, show it", and I think this is useful for Uncyclopedia too, in that it is more effective to show the funny instead of saying why its funny.
- Be more creative. It's very hard to write a good anime article without some "angle" of some kind. The "angle" is sort of like the main joke. Like how the article Bleach compares Bleach to a fashion line, and Death Note to a liscensing/fansub thingy. I'm not saying this is necessary, but it is a cheap and effective way to go about it. In the above cases, the articles don't need to explain much because the animes are pretty well known. The Prisoner (US remake) (holy crap I just realized all three articles are by the same author), anyway, is an example of how to treat an obscure (or made up) subject matter, by providing explanations and context.
- What's with the gay jokes? Proper Uncyclopedians should refrain from making gay jokes, because they're getting pretty old. The only way to make (good) gay jokes is to sound very official and matter-of-fact, and I don't believe you achieved that. I know that anime heroes can be very metrosexual and anime can be peppered with a lot of homoerotic undertones, but you need a more subtle way to go about this. Which brings us to our next point:
- Subtlety. You will realize that most featured articles are very "refrained" and "disciplined", a quality that is very hard to describe, that has to do with prose as much as content. You can achieve subtlety by being deliberately oblivious to the joke or by adopting a more encyclopedic tone. To paraphrase you, you are just stating obviously that Guts has a big sword, is violent, and is somewhat gay. You could be funnier by showing the reader how this is.
- Sections, including the ending. I feel that you don't distribute your content very well, and it feels like an upside-down pyramid. I suggest you reorganize your sections around the lines of intro, production, character, plot, ending(ie future plans, reception, sequels, remakes). That, however, is a very generic way of how anime articles are organized, and you can come up with you own way. Get rid of that spoiler thingy that you have now, because that was hard to read and honestly not very funny.
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| Concept:
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5
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There isn't really a concept here, just an article complaining about an anime.
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| Prose and formatting:
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6.5
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The article doesn't look that nice. I think you could use ==== subheadings ==== for the character names. Also your tone is not very suitable, as it is very informal, but not intentionally informal, you know what I mean? I don't think there are any obvious grammar or spelling mistakes but I spell like a dyslexic and would die without spellcheck, so.
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| Images:
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0
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What no images?? Go get some. Preferably some that captures the essence of the anime, like gratuitously violent ones if Berserk is known for its violence.
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| Miscellaneous:
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6
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Average not counting images.
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| Final Score:
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23.5
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My reviews look like upside-down pyramids too.
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| Reviewer:
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--~ 07:24, November 16, 2009 (UTC)
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