Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/November 22

This world is pretty messed up. You know that, right? We've got murderers walking the streets, paedophiles raping other paedophiles, kids stealing their friends' Pokémon cards to sell for drugs, then selling those drugs for even more Pokémon cards; it's a mess. If I had the supreme power, it would be different let me tell you. I'd sort things out. It would be a Utopia.

Well I guess the first thing I'd do is nuke a few of the more suspect countries: Iraq, Afghanistan, that sort of thing. The beardy countries mostly. I know it would like, kill millions of innocent civilians, children and animals but I just really want to get rid of the Taliban. And Al Qaeda. The extinction of a few desert lizards and the mutilation of a couple of kids is a small price to pay for world peace. I suppose if the non-terrorists want to flee the country before I drop the bomb, then that would be allowed. Just so long as they don't come and live over here. We've got enough immigrants already, thanks. (Full article...)