Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/May 22

The Thunderstorm of 1976 was the largest torrential downpour of precipitation I have ever witnessed in my life.

I also kicked its ass.

It lasted approximately four hours over Kansas City, Missouri. It was determined to flood the entire Midwest and drown every carbon-based lifeform within Kansas City, and it would have done exactly that if not for my efforts to utterly destroy it.

Oh God, where do I even start. Well, I was sitting at home watching the Royals/Yankees game with Ernesto, our home's gardener. All of a sudden, from outside, I hear, "FFFFFAFFFGHGHGHGAAAFFAAANG'HNNNNGAIUSJULIUSCEASAR NNNNN AAAAAAA ANNNAANAAAAA" Having an experienced ear, I knew it was the sound of fat water droplets descending from the sky and landing upon my roof (also, someone saying "Julius Caesar"). I quickly changed stations to the local news. They were warning everyone to stay inside.

Right about this time my wife walked in. She shouts, "Oh Jon, you big, sexy, well-endowed epitome of man! What are we going to do?!" I simply looked at her, giving her that look of, "Shut up woman, get on my horse." (Full article...)