Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/December 22

Pyongyang, North Korea -- Dear people of the glorious Popular Republic of North Korea, it is with great regret and infinite sadness that your beloved Department of Propaganda wishes to inform you that our Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-il, passed away today. Our infinitely wise Emperor fell victim to an insidious heart attack due to an electrical hazard as he was changing the CD of his boombox while he was bathing in his 24 carat gold bathtub. No need to say that the CD player and all its extended family will be tortured and executed tomorrow in the downtown city square.

Witnesses who rushed to the scene at the sound of the high-pitched screams said that Kim Jong-il's ultimate vocal performance reminded them of a nightingale's melodious singing and that the Commander was as gracious in death as he had been his whole life. Our Dear Leader began to emit rose-scented smoke which engulfed the room with its magnificent aroma while his holy body was burning to a crisp.

His close guard witnessed in awe as a flock of white doves entered the room and transported the toasted saint in a flight toward the firmament to meet his father and former benevolent ruler of us all, Eternal President Kim Il-sung. Soon, tulip petals began raining from the heavens, and a general of our almighty army was hit by a falling set of gold teeth which formerly graced the mouth of our King. (Full article...)