UnTunes:Monkeys and Footballs
So at my old job, there was this girl I had a serious crush on. I mean, everything about her was amazing. Her hair, her lips, her football-shaped body... the way she entered those numbers into the AS/400, it was like God himself had sent one of his angels down to Earth to enter numbers into the AS/400.
So I was talking about her to my friend Ryan, and he said, "Hey, dude, you have that old Casio, right? Why don't you write her a love song?"
I thought it was a good idea. So the next day, I went to work, and Ryan came with me and brought his guitar, and I laid it all down for her.
Well, unfortunately, she said no. And also I was fired. But I learned one thing: it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.
Anyway, these were the lyrics.
My Love Song to the Girl at Work
- If I had a monkey, and you had a football,
- then I'd pay a dollar to watch my monkey fuck your football.
- They would be making love. Making love.
- Making love. Making sweet, sweet love to a football.
- Making sweet, sweet love to a football.
- Well lately, girl, all that I can think about is you and me
- and sex and furry mammals and football. And your hair, and your smile,
- and your radiant personality and sex with footballs.
- Let's go back to my basement apartment
- and play some Madden '93 and take it from there.
- It's kinda old but it still kicks ass,
- and you could wear my football costume - but hey, no pressure.
- Well, you are a woman. And I'm not a football.
- But I'd still pay a dollar to fuck you if I was a football.
- We would be making love. Making love.
- Making love. Making sweet, sweet love to a football.
- Making sweet, sweet love to a football.
