UnTunes:All You Motherfuckers Are Gonna Pay
All You Motherfuckers Are Gonna Pay is a song written by Dylan Weissman,[a] a hippy who spent most of his time writing folk tunes about the beauty of trees and butterflies. One day, Weissman was sitting by a campfire, singing "I love butt-ter-flies, Kum-by-ya," when some metalheads approached him.
"Wow, you're a fag," a metalhead remarked. "Try playing some metal."
"I can play metal!" Weismann protested. "Metal is easy."
"Oh yeah?" the metalhead replied. "Prove it, faggot."
Weissman attempted to prove it. He failed.
Lyrics
All you motherfuckers are gonna pay!
All you motherfuckers are gonna pay.
I will hit you, hit you with a Big Gulp.
I'll prob'ly miss you, but maybe it'll hit your car.
I will break into your apartment and
Delete all your jpegs.
'Cause all you motherfuckers are gonna pay.
I will text all your ex-girlfriends and tell 'em that you miss 'em.
I will sign you up for many women's magazine subscriptions.
I will start a nasty rumor that you're a Scientologist.
All you motherfuckers are gonna pay.
So fuck your day.
Fuck your dog.
Fuck your accent.
Fuck your artificial sweeteners.
Fuck your cell phone with its many, many features.
Fuck your... your declaration that you only smoke when drinking.
Fuck your beard.
Fuck your beer.
Go and fuck it in the fucking ear.
But most of all, fuck you.
(Fuck me? No, fuck you.)
But most of all, fuck you.
All you motherfuckers are gonna pay.
Footnotes
- ↑ You might see the song erroneously attributed to Paul Simon on some CD covers and cassette tapes: this was part of a failed attempt by Mr. Weissman to increase sales, and the Simon estate quickly sued him into oblivion for his troubles.
