UnNews:William Shatner declairs Hilary Clinton a Bitch
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 March 2008
Presidential candidate Hilary Clinton has once again been the target of the Saturday Night Live television program, Saturday Night Live. Hilary has been in the news a lot this week due to accusations of meth possession, racism and playing the new voice of Tigger on the popular children's show "The Newer Adventures of Winnie the Pooh." Tonight however, Hilary has been accused by SNL guest star William Shatner, former star of Star Trek, as being a bitch.
The new star of SNL, Niel Patrick Harris had this to say: "On our politically correct television show we do not like to see people accused of being such things. It is just as much of a bitch as I am a unicorn rider. Which I am not."
The casting director of SNL, Britney McNeill, says "Nobody has ever been offended by our show before. It makes me sad to say that the Easter Bunny is not coming to our house this year."
Mr. Shatner however claims that he did not think he would infuriate anybody because he knew for a fact that Hilary was an actual bitch. When asked how he knew that he claimed that questioning his statement was violating the death of his worst friend Scotty from Star trek and that he would rise from the grave and fight people with bagpipes and beat people up so bad that their dogs would be retarded.
Hilary has been speechless about the actions of Mr. Shatner except that she is planning on making a law about the execution of men who have to be castrated twice.
In relating news, Biblical Scientists have found out that a new secret tenth commandment has been discovered. According to the scientists they were looking around a place in the middle east and found what they believe is the original stone that Moses found stating the ten commandments plus the new commandment.
The new commandment states: "Thou shalt not be a bitch named Hilary Clinton for thy shall be smiten by Dick Cheney's reach of justiceness."
The Pope says that it is 100% official and that new laws will be enstated by the USA in the future because that's the right thing to do.
A website known as "www.stoptheeleventhcommandment.organizationppls.myspace.com" was created yesterday by a group of young women who believe that the new commandment is sexist and "really gay."
The scientists however say that only whores and "50 year old virgins who actually think they are funny" use MySpace and that there is no way of stopping their reign of terror.
There is current plans to start releasing bibles with the subtitle "the new uber cool bible plus the ten commandments plus one" this Easter as a celebration of chocolate rabbit turds.