UnNews:Whitey goes to Heaven

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28 May 2011

This is the best picture of Scott-Heron we could find (And Whitey's still in Heaven)

125th and Lexington, NEW YORK -- This is a news piece about Whitey going to Heaven. It was inspired by Whitey going to heaven and also Gil Scott-Heron's passing, but don't tell his estate or they'll try to sue. We'd like to give credit where credit is due.

Gil Scott-Heron was just found dead

And Whitey goes to Heaven

His flesh lay rotting in his bed

And Whitey goes to Heaven

He's going to hell, last I heard

And Whitey goes to Heaven

God's not a fan of spoken word

But still Whitey goes to Heaven

He went to church every day

And Whitey goes to Heaven

He absolved his sins and tried to pray

But Whitey took all the spots in Heaven

Now he's left behind this mortal coil

After all those years of hard work and toil

All to be left in the sun to spoil

While Whitey goes to Heaven

So go to your local record store

Sell out his albums to settle the score

And send the checks to Scott-Heron's address

To pay the fee to bury his flesh

So he's got plenty of coin in his mouth

For booze and craps when he heads down south

With a smile on his face and his middle finger up

Pointed straight up

(bongo solo)

At Whitey up in Heaven

Gil Scott-Heron's funeral is scheduled for Monday, but will not be televised. It will be live.

Sources

• Dr. Theodore Whitey "It's a Small Jump From the Moon to the Skies" Motown Publishers, June 15, 1970

• Gil from Beyond the Grave "Whitey Reporting My News" Fox News, May 5, 2011

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