UnNews:White slavery legalised in UK
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 March 2007
GRIMACE-OVER-CHUTNEY, England -- In order to make reparations for the black slave trade, the UK government today legalised the trade in white slaves, "I hope this in some way makes up for the terrible treatment our ancestors meted out more than 200 years ago" a spokesman said last night.
To commemorate the new legislation 30 slaves were promptly rounded up from their homes in Hull. They were whipped into submission before being bound in chains and set off on a 250-mile march to London where they are to be sold to the highest bidder.
The new law is one of the first to mark the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the original slave trade, in which Africans were rescued from their life of toil and hardship and shipped off to a new life of toil and hardship.
The expedition started on Thursday morning after the Bishop of Hull had whipped the slaves with relish, "Your old lives are over, you are the property of the State. You will not see your families again and if you step out of line you will be chastised to within an inch of your worthless lives!"
Slave Trader David Yangtongtoodledon said ,"A few may perish during their passage but it's a way of separating the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. If you ain't strong or healthy then you ain't going to make me much money are you?"
He added that other slaves would be rounded up to join the march at any point during the event, "sleep well in your beds tonight, because you might be sleeping in the hold of a cargo ship next week hahahaha".
In related news the government is to announce a new law to reintroduce Witch Trials.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- BBC "do your chores you worthless white piece of crap!" BBC, march 23, 2007