UnNews:WWIII postponed thanks to Russia and China
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
26 February 2012
UNITED NATIONS, New York -- Russia and China again saved humanity by vetoing another UN attempt to launch World War III. Twice they have blocked resolutions that maniacally demanded Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad surrender control of their respective countries to CIA-run al Qaeda terrorists. But the Russian and Chinese veto effectively put a restraining order on the apocalypse, and caused most of the world’s population to collectively exclaim the previously unexclaimable, “thank god for Russia and China.”
Thirteen of the council’s 15 members voted in favor of sending Humanitarian Aid, a gargantuan ogre, into Syria and then Iran to terminate all law enforcement and move toward benign genocide and accidental regime change; but the Russians and Chinese would not stand for it – again. After the vote, Russian Ambassador to the UN, Vitaly Churkin said, “The draft resolution that was put to a vote didn’t reflect any sanity or logic and sent conflicting signals to the security forces in both nations,” he explained. “They were totally confused and didn’t know whether they should protect their country from the terrorists or surrender to the terrorists?”
Previously, Foreign Minister, Sergei Lavrov, said the UN resolution, while demanding complete cessation of all Syrian and Iranian law enforcement, didn’t set any demands at all on anti-government terrorists. Russia was concerned that the arrangement might be viewed as slightly biased. “NATO is demanding that the entire leadership of Syria and Iran along with their constituents immediately cease all self defense, yet the terrorists are encouraged to continue attacking in earnest” he explained. “Is it not insane that NATO is again supporting al Qaeda? It is sheer madness!”
According to highly-reliable al Qaeda reports the Syrian government has slaughtered and butchered at least 500,000 peaceful protesters in their sleep, including 90,000 infant girls who were eaten alive by blindfolded Syrian and Iranian soldiers jacked up on Viagra and papaya enzyme pills. But what NATO fails to report, however, is that so-called peaceful protesters are actually trained, funded and heavily armed mercenaries tasked with committing acts of terror against the people and the government. They are, in fact, terrorists. Al Qaeda terrorists. NATO led al Qaeda terrorists --- WTF? Argh! It is getting so hard to tell the difference between right and wrong, hot and cold, calzone and deep dish, sweet and salty, good and evil, information and misinformation, gay and straight, black and white, and even sanity and insanity -- none of which really matter a hoot to UnNews.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Staff "Russia and China Veto Western Aggression Against Syria at the UN" RIA-Novosti, January 26, 2012