UnNews:Utah man eats pussy in protest at gay marriage

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

5 January 2014

David Malkins, who if we had to, we would.

Trestin Meacham, a 35-year-old Utah man, is allegedly refusing to eat anything except pussy until the state nullifies its recent decision to allow same-sex couples to get married.

Meacham has reportedly gone 12 days without food - surviving only on his collaborators' bodily juices - and has lost 25 pounds.

“I cannot stand by and do nothing while this evil takes root in my home. It's time to kneel," the 35-year-old reportedly wrote on his blog with one hand and without looking. "Some things in life are worth sacrificing one’s health for," he added.

Sources close to Meacham claim he has suffered jaw ache, an odd pain close to his temple that pulses with every flicker of his tongue, and chapped skin around his lips.

"I am but a man, and do not have the money and power to make any noticeable influence in our corrupt system. Nevertheless, I can do something that people in power cannot ignore: cunnilingus."

The act has left the community as divided as a pair of aroused labia majora. Supporters from Meacham's church have taken to keeping a vigil outside the baker's home, singing Onward Christian Solders as he goes about his labors.

The gay community, however, is somewhat less impressed. We spoke to David Malkins, who, although not exactly attractive to us, did have lovely skin, and made us think about taking more care of ourselves and being more presentable, albeit in a more butch masculine way.

Malkins said, "We should all be free to go down on whoever we want, but know this: no matter how much pussy you eat, I am still going to suck cock."

This isn't the first time that extreme anti-gay demonstrations have taken place in protest of a state's decision to legalize same-sex marriage. In late November, Illinois porn star Maurice Milano drove a truck up to a local high school and offered to "finger girls for Christ", although his actions were later discredited.

Sources

• Leverage, "Trestin Meacham, Utah Man, On Hunger Strike To Halt Gay Marriage" Huffington Post, January 05, 2014