UnNews:Uncyclopedia IRC channel solves racism and police brutality
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6 November 2015
THE INTERNET, USA - It finally happened! It the wee hours of the morning, Uncyclopedia's much maligned IRC channel destroyed racism once and for all. Police brutality? A thing of the past! Ferguson massacres? A distant and boring memory. "I can't breathe?" I'm getting pretty emotional too!
You see, by embracing debate and the broader issues surrounding racism, we have found that white people are not the problem. I know that is hard to hear, but it turns out the whites are more the solution than the problem. Some would even say the final solution. The only true solution...
So economics has a ton to do with how the cops shoot black people. This is understood. It has nothing to do with how scary they are or how they have the ability to turn into shadows at the blink of an eye, leaving only their clothes and, I assume, stolen shoes behind as they slink away in the night. I even heard one of them was able to use mind control. He gets all up into the cop's mind and *BANG* has the cop shoot him in the head. Can you imagine?! Controlling someone's mind for the sole purpose of killing yourself just to get the innocent policeman into trouble? But this is the enemy threat that we all face.
Luckily for us, Uncyclopedia's late night alcoholic and drug-fueled ramblings have given us the answer: Include the whites!
Whites are the silent majority in America and from time to time they feel threatened by their lack of inclusion. Groups such as #BlackLivesMatter make them feel a sense of exclusion and disenfranchisement that would make anyone uncomfortable. And that isn't fair. So far the Black Lives Matter campaign has been very threatening towards the white people. "What about us," they ask. "Don't our lives matter?" "It seems all these blacks are angry about something! Why can't we be angry too?!" Well the answer is simple. Now white people too are allowed to be angry about police officers killing young black people! It's so simple! And it's all thanks to #uncyclopedia.
I know what a lot of you white people are saying out there, "How am I supposed to be able to care about the death of a black person?" Well the answer is simple: The Uncyclopedia IRC channel said you were allowed to be now. So you can. The problem is solved and you should all congratulate each other. You now have the ability to care about someone of a different race than your own. That isn't to say you need to care about every other race. The Mexicans are all rapists and murderers. And that's a thing I think we can all agree on.
