UnNews:US to progress backwards
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
9 April 2013
WASHINGTON D.C. - In a recent press conference, President Obama has announced that the United States would "progress backwards", meaning it would devance any technological progress they have made. "We've made this decision after years of failed hopes and dreams; with this recent decision, we hope to once again regain that vision of the future that we lost so many years ago", said President Obama. Over the years, we've had many depictions of the future, The Jetsons often promised a future with houses in the sky and flying cars by the year 2000, Back to the Future Part II promised us hovercars and hoverboards by the year 2015, even The Simpsons promised us hydrogenated soy snacks, yet none of these technologies have come to fruition.
"I'm kind of glad they're making this decision, for so long they've tempted us with progress and all I've gotten was sadness and disappointment." said 32 year old Jim Hubberts. "I remember watching Back to the Future and being scopes about the possibilities of time travel, now I get to be scoped as I was when I first watched the movie" said a random bystander. "Finally, today's culture has been raised on some flashing screens and some loud gibberish nonsense, now these people get to experience the best time when TV and music were made for joy, not for profit." said an old person on the street.
Personally I don't think what Obama is doing is good; I mean sure, we have been disappointed many of times but we shouldn't throw away what we have and let those "foreign" countries get ahead of us, we're supposed to be #1 at everything; plus I love me some Ke$ha and if they progress backwards than I'm not going to be able to show off my crazy dance moves at the club. Still it's what needed for this country; which has been shown many unfulfilled visions of the future.
The first signs of devolvement will happen 50 years from now when Color TV will be released and the musical genre called rock will become new and unknown, eventually Obama hopes to "reinvigorate the American dream" by taking things back to the pioneer days when America was nothing more than an undiscovered piece of land.